You Can Spot A Person Who Lost A Close Loved One By These 10 Signs
PeopleImages | ShutterstockThe loss of a loved is something profoundly painful and life-changing, and no matter how much we think we'll be ready for the inevitable, the truth is that true preparation is impossible. Grief can have profound effects on us, not just emotionally but physically as well. In fact, our bodies and brains go into "high alert" to protect us. As such, you can spot a person who lost a close loved one by certain signs, whether it's in their behaviors or a change in their overall personality.
Whether we lost someone decades ago or just recently, the pain never really goes away, though it does become less intense. Feeling intense guilt and regret, working through grief make up one of the most difficult journeys to experience. But when we recognize the signs in others, we can lend a hand and help someone in dire need.
You can spot a person who lost a close loved one by these 10 signs
1. They're quieter than usual
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While quietness can sometimes be due to fatigue or wanting to keep thoughts internal, if a person is constantly shutting themselves off from others, it could be a huge sign they have lost someone important to them. Losing a loved one is never easy. can alter people in many unexpected ways, of course.
According to geriatric psychiatrist Maureen Malin, because grief takes a toll on the entire body in the form of stress, it "affects the whole body and all organ systems, and especially the immune system," and it can make people get sick more often. Feeling intense pain and bodily changes, a grieving person may not say much, but inside they're suffering.
2. They stop responding to text messages
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When a person has lost someone close to them, they may slip into isolation. While you once texted every single day with this person, they no longer respond, nor do they pick up the phone or want to be around others. Days or weeks may pass without hearing a word from them, and it's normal to feel concerned.
While it's tempting to give them space, don't forget to send a message reminding them of their support system. It may feel awkward in the moment, but letting them know you're there may be just what they need in that moment.
3. They look absolutely drained
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When someone loses a loved one, they go through multiple emotions, ranging from sadness to anger and even guilt. Thinking about them endlessly, it's no surprise they appear emotionally and physically drained when they do socialize. They don't know how to process what they're feeling. Having no direction or resources, they're left to fend for themselves.
As most people can imagine, this can cause a plethora of issues, especially as they relate to stress. When you experience elevated stress, your body sends you signals. On top of feeling drained of all your energy, you might feel dizzy, suffer from constant headaches, or experience brain fog.
4. Their mood changes unpredictably
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While some may think grief follows specific stages, grief isn't linear. Some people call it a process, but for many it alters them in unexpected ways. So, if you notice that someone goes from happy to extremely sad in the blink of an eye, this isn't normal and is a sign they lost a close loved one.
This is a clue that they're going through something deeper than they're letting on. But rather than digging, validate them and let them know you're there for them. You may feel helpless or frustrated in the moment, yet the more you meet them with kindness and understanding, the more likely they are to open up to you.
5. They space out frequently
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Spacing and zoning out aren't too odd, as they're always present in boring work meetings or dinners with the in-laws. People do this to avoid uncomfortable situations, but if they're spacing out even during happy moments, it could indicate that they're dealing with grief.
Of course, it's okay to let them process things. While it's tempting to try and cheer them up, spacing out is sometimes used as a tool to sort out your thoughts. As neuro-linguistic programming coach Josh Davis explained, "Being always 'on'... can make us less productive because it can block the useful brain processes that occur when we let our minds wander. Neuroscience and psychological research show that mind-wandering facilitates creativity, planning, and putting off immediate desires in favor of future rewards."
6. Their priorities shift
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When a person is experiencing grief, their priorities shift drastically. Before their loss, they may have been completely focused on their studies, school, or relationship. But now, they don't care about their responsibilities.
For better or worse, grief has a way of making us reflect. Feeling guilty and thinking of all the what ifs may cause people to no longer focus on what they've been avoiding, from their daily hygiene to their work duties.
7. They become unusually kind and deeply empathetic
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Thinking entirely too much of their own problems and needs, it's all too common to see people disregard others. But you can spot a person who lost a close loved one when they're unusually kind and deeply empathetic all of a sudden.
Grief has a way of changing our perspective. Reminding us how complex and big the world truly is, it's not odd to see them looking to help others, especially those going through what they are. They don't want any regrets, which is why they dedicate themselves to being kind, and it's a good thing, as kindness leads to greater well-being and overall happiness.
8. They keep small reminders close
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Once someone is gone, it feels like a part of you is missing. Feeling disconnected, a person who has lost someone may keep a small memento close to them. Whether it's a photo in their wallet or a necklace that once belonged to their lost loved one, the practice of keeping these mementos dates back centuries, all to feel close to that person everywhere they go.
Even if they can no longer see them or hear their voice, the memory of who they are and what they meant never goes away. Leaving a lasting impact, those who carry reminders are still grieving, but can be reminded of happier times, even if it's only for a moment.
9. They hesitate when asked how they're doing
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Once someone loses a loved one, there's no amount of comfort in the world that can truly heal the wound left. Feeling hurt, angry, and in tremendous pain, they will certainly hesitate when someone asks how they are. As much as they'd love to lie and respond with "fine," there's something in them holding it back.
Perhaps it's the lump in their throat when they think about their loved one, or that they can't even form the words without welling up with tears. They may not even know how to respond, which is why it's so difficult to answer at all.
10. They avoid certain places entirely
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Being in a certain place has a way of triggering grief. As a study published in Social & Cultural Geography explained, "Places that have or take on meaning in relation to the dead can therefore act as a catalyst, evoking grief, memories, sadness and comfort, or an unpredictable combination thereof."
Revisiting those places or smelling certain scents can bring unimaginable pain, triggering memories a person once held fondly. So, if someone is randomly avoiding a place, be mindful. While it could be an off day, it's also a sign that this place is associated with deep, unresolved pain.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
