Kids Raised By Emotionally Condescending Parents Usually Carry 8 Habits Into Adulthood
New Africa | Shutterstock Growing up in a home with dismissive or emotionally alienating parents can cause terrible anxiety in adulthood. These people learn early that their parents were unpredictable, and this makes the world feel unstable in ways that can be hard to shake.
When a kid knows that any little misstep would turn into a lecture about how they weren’t good enough, it's hard to feel safe. As they become adults, the impact of their parents’ treatment gives them habits that linger.
Kids raised by emotionally condescending parents carry these 8 habits into adulthood:
1. They second-guess themselves
Growing up, their parents were wishy-washy. They didn’t understand what a compliment was or when they were being slighted because the tone was always condescending. This can cause them to second-guess themselves and their abilities and they often struggle to trust their instincts. They rarely received honest and kind feedback, which made them feel like they were at sea without a compass.
People who constantly second-guess themselves are more at risk for depression, too. They can struggle to reach their full potential, leaving them in a cycle of pain and disappointment.
2. They believe they don’t deserve good things
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Arrogant and condescending parents set their children up for an adulthood filled with anxiety and self-doubt. Their parents were often too concerned with their own superiority to really prioritize their child’s wants and needs.
Childhood trauma diminishes our self-worth which can cause someone to constant doubting their abilities. When they find success, they may feel they don’t deserve it. This can lead to imposter syndrome, or the idea that they aren’t worthy of the success they’ve earned. Low self-esteem from a childhood filled with ridicule can leave a lasting impression, even when they’ve worked hard for their achievements.
3. They can’t accept compliments
When dealing with self-esteem issues, compliments can feel phony. This is especially relevant after a childhood filled with snark or condescension. Harsh and inconsistent parents didn’t make their children feel loved and cared for on any sort of consistent basis because they were too busy critical and demeaning, which left them with low self-esteem.
As adults, they don't trust someone who seems to genuinely like them, almost like they're waiting for the proverbial other shoe to drop. When they’re given a compliment, they’re just waiting for an insult to follow. When it doesn’t, they might feel uncomfortable, almost as if their nervous system won't settle until the insult happens.
4. They are extremely self-reliant
Hyper-independence is often a side-effect of a difficult childhood. Parents are supposed to be the people we can rely on the most. When they were met with condescending behavior, they may have felt like they couldn’t count on them for anything. The only person who had their best interests at heart was themselves.
This is an unhealthy dynamic for a child and can cause serious attachment issues. It can hinder their ability to connect deeply with the people in their lives because they're just too afraid to get close to someone who will let them down like their parents did.
Becoming overly self-reliant can also stem from feeling like they don’t deserve love and support from others, which we discussed above. When they can't validate themselves and their needs, they often end up pushing people away.
5. They avoid conflict
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Often, parents like this will go to any length to belittle their kids. They don’t see them as equals and choose to criticize them, even over the silliest things. To a child, this likely felt like being trapped in a cycle of constant arguments.
However, this isn’t the only reason they may avoid conflict entirely. Condescending parents can be emotionally distant, leaving their children without the proper tools to handle conflict. Instead of working through it, they back down entirely.
While we may think avoiding contact will help us in the long run, it often further diminishes self-worth. As children, we rely on our parents to show us how to process things healthily and talk through problems in a loving way. If patronizing parents didn’t want to hear about their children’s feelings, or started arguments themselves, it can cause them to back away from conflict like a dog with its tail between its legs.
6. They need constant validation
Kids need validation from their parents to form a healthy relationship with their emotions. For healthy adults, validation should come from within, primarily, as it gives us self-confidence and higher self-esteem. But, if a child doesn't get the validation that they are worthy of love and uniquely good, it can make it hard to find internal validation as adults.
Of course, we all value validation in our lives. It helps reassure us that we’re on the right track. However, depending on it too much can be a sign of childhood trauma, often from emotionally condescending and cruel parents.
7. They always apologize, even when they did nothing wrong
Condescending parents often find a way to make their children feel guilty or ashamed, even when they didn’t do anything wrong. They fail to see their own faults, or they see them too clearly and it's uncomfortable, so, instead, they blame everyone around them.
This can often leave their children feeling like a burden and unable to do anything right. As adults, these kids feel they must be constantly apologizing or they run the risk of total abandonment. While trying to stay on everyone’s good side seems like an admirable trait, it does eventually drain these people and leave them wanting more reassurance.
8. They are constantly on the defensive
Condescending parents are unpredictable. Their tone of voice and the comments they make can cut like a knife, especially in moments when a child is being vulnerable.
One moment, things will be fine. The next, they are being scolded or talked down to. It’s not easy to live life that way, so these children often kept their guard up to protect themselves.
As adults, they likely find themselves on the defensive, even in innocent situations. This can leave them unable to connect with others because they're always afraid they will hurt them. They may also seem sniveling and insecure to healthy and balanced adults, which ends up making them feel ostracized.
Soon enough, their defensiveness pushes people away or makes them angry, and it's as if their fear that nobody can be trusted came true. Little do they know that their own self-sabotage is what created that rejection in their adulthood, stemming from that painful childhood reality with a condscending parent.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
