The Simple Phrase That Instantly Takes The Power Away From Passive-Aggressive Coworkers
Vitaly Gariev | UnsplashJennifer Brick describes herself as “Your Career Bestie” in her TikTok bio. She uses her social media platform to help employees navigate the complexities of office politics and make the best of challenging workplace situations. Brick revealed how to “instantly shut down passive-aggressive people at work and in life,” by using one specific phrase.
She revealed her own personal background with the phrase, saying, “I started using this with passive-aggressive people last year, and there has not been even one case where I have used it where the person hasn’t backed off with their toxic little tail between their legs."
Brick advised that the best way to counteract passive-aggressive people at work is to use “your most neutral tone and ask one simple yet direct question."
The one simple phrase that takes the power away from passive-aggressive co-workers: 'Are you trying to be helpful or hurtful?'
Psychology Today describes passive-aggressive behavior as an indirect way of expressing negative feelings. Instead of directly dealing with conflict, a passive-aggressive person will act in a subtly hostile manner, designed to destabilize the person they're in conflict with.
Passive aggressiveness is a form of conflict avoidance, which is one reason why Brick’s phrase is so useful. By asking a passive-aggressive person if they’re trying to be helpful or hurtful, you’re offering up a gentle form of confrontation, which they’ll most likely try to avoid.
Brick elaborated on the various ways passive-aggressive people might respond to being questioned
She noted that a passive-aggressive person would never reply by stating they were trying to be hurtful, even if that was their underlying intention. As she explained, “Passive-aggressive behavior is based on conflict avoidance. That’s why they’re trying to conceal their petty intentions in the first place.”
“The statement I shared in that video is a light confrontation, and they are going to avoid it at all costs,” she continued. “They are going to backpedal; they are not going to say that they intend to be hurtful. They want to conceal their toxic selves,” Brick concluded.
Once you confront your co-workers, they’ll understand that passive-aggressive techniques don’t work on you
She also offered guidance on how to react when your passive-aggressive co-worker tries to convince you that they’re being helpful.
“Of course, they’re going to say helpful,” she explained. “That is by design.” “This is a mild conflict, but it is a conflict that is going to give them an out, but this is also exactly why this statement works,” she said.
Brick’s tip for managing passive-aggressive co-workers is successful in that it relies on direct communication, which is the exact opposite communication style that passive-aggressive people use.
Psychiatrist Judith Orloff said, "With these personality types, you may question yourself since their anger is so masked. It’s important to recognize the pattern. Their mixed messages will test your patience. So when you doubt yourself, take a breath and try to let the doubt go. Tell yourself, 'I deserve to be treated more lovingly. I will trust my gut reaction when I feel jabbed.'"
It’s always best to lead with kindness in challenging situations, and communicating our needs clearly and directly is one foolproof way to do so.
Alexandra Blogier is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team. She covers issues in the workplace, pop culture analysis, and all things to do with the entertainment industry.
