People With High Distress Tolerance Usually Say 6 Phrases When They're Going Through Hard Times
audiznam260921 | ShutterstockEverybody handles stress differently.
Psychologist Matthew Tull, PhD, describes distress tolerance as the ability to handle emotional discomfort without making a difficult situation worse. While some people seem naturally better at handling stress, it's also a skill that can be learned and practiced. People with high distress tolerance often have a particular way of talking themselves through difficult moments, using phrases like these.
People with high distress tolerance usually say 6 phrases when they're going through hard times:
1. 'It could be worse'
Trauma therapist Tisheila Ta explains on TikTok that people with very high distress tolerance may say they're doing fine simply because they've been through much worse before. Their idea of what counts as severe distress can be so different that even a level of pain or stress most people would consider intense may not feel especially alarming to them. If someone has survived something as serious as cancer, for example, a bad day at work may barely register by comparison.
Although being able to tolerate distress can help people get through difficult situations, there can be a downside to constantly minimizing their own pain. Someone who has survived much worse may convince themselves they're fine simply because their current situation doesn't feel as bad by comparison.
2. 'I can get through this'
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Tull explains that there are many distress tolerance techniques, one of them being self-soothing. Tull explains that finding ways to calm yourself and manage negative emotions is an important part of building distress tolerance.
One way to do this is to picture your close friend going through the same experience as you, and think about what you would say to them. Then you would comfort yourself in the same way, by being caring and compassionate. We're often much kinder to our friends than we are to ourselves. If you would tell your friend that they can get through anything, then you need to believe it too.
3. 'It is what it is'
Another distress tolerance technique is radical acceptance. “Rather than focusing on things that cannot be changed or that are out of your control, radical acceptance involves just accepting things as they are and letting go of feelings of regret, anger, or bitterness.” This one I always find hard to practice, but it is worth it. My therapist used to tell me about my “circle of control.” Basically, picture a circle and inside of it, put what you can control. Outside the circle are all the things you cannot control (and there’s unfortunately a lot of them). Visualizing what you can and cannot control helps with radical acceptance and moving on.
4. 'I need to take a breath'
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People with high distress tolerance are often good at managing their reactions when emotions start running high. Tull explains that changing what your body is doing can help change how you're feeling emotionally. Getting up, moving around, going outside, or simply changing your surroundings can help break you out of an intense emotional state and make it easier to calm down. Creating a little space between something stressful happening and your reaction to it can also make difficult emotions easier to manage.
5. 'This feeling will pass'
According to Deconstructing Stigma, distress tolerance is a core part of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), which teaches skills for handling difficult emotions without reacting impulsively. One DBT distress tolerance technique is called STOP, which stands for Stop, Take a step back, Observe, and Proceed mindfully. This gives you a chance to slow down and decide how you want to respond, rather than reacting immediately to the emotion. Reminding yourself that the feeling will pass can help you slow down, avoid reacting in the moment, and give yourself time to decide what to do next.
6. 'I don't have to fix everything right now'
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This is part of knowing what you can and cannot control. Sometimes part of the reason we get super distressed is that we feel like a million things are hitting us at once and we can’t keep up. People with high distress tolerance recognize that not every problem has to be solved immediately. Giving themselves permission to handle one thing at a time can make an overwhelming situation feel much more manageable.
Sophie Bagheri is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and theatre who covers lifestyle topics.
