People Who Almost Always Get What They Want Usually Do 10 Things More Often Than Not
Minerva Studio | ShutterstockPeople living their dream lives might have luck on their side, but there's a whole lot of work going on behind the scenes, too.
These go-getters are willing to take the risks and make the mistakes needed to get everything they want. They take the initiative instead of just fantasizing about what could be, and they're willing to accept that what they envisioned might change during the process of achieving it.
Hard things people who get what they want are willing to do that set them apart:
1. They're willing to struggle
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People who almost always seem to get what they want out of life are willing to struggle to succeed. It is hard, hard work to achieve huge goals, but that does not stop them.
What they truly understand is that there are no shortcuts when you have a dream. Even if someone helps you along the way or introduces you to the right people, nothing is guaranteed. You still have to perform and prove yourself.
Psychology professor Glen Geher, Ph.D., explained, "Struggle is our natural inheritance, the state to which we are adapted. In its absence, we are psychically fragile, heir to ills like anxiety and self-doubt."
2. They are courageous enough to take risks
People who take action when it comes to making the things they want a reality understand that anything worth achieving takes some level of risk. Taking risks is scary, though. It takes courage because there is always a chance that it won't turn out the way you hope.
Professor Shahram Heshmat, Ph.D., noted, "Every decision we make, every opportunity we pursue (or avoid), is shaped by our readiness to take risks. Decisions such as speaking up in a meeting, starting a new career, moving to a different city, or simply trying something new require courage to step beyond the familiar." He went on to explain, "Being a courageous person is what maximizes one’s chances to grow and develop throughout one’s life. Courage is not a matter of feeling no fear. As Mark Twain said, 'Courage is not the lack of fear; it is the acting in spite of it.'"
3. They ask for help
You know what else is brave? Asking for help. So many people struggle to ask for help that they end up giving up on their dreams altogether. However, the likelihood of someone helping you when you ask is a lot higher than people realize.
Author, lecturer, and expert on following your passion Gregg Levoy explained that the biggest obstacle to asking for help is setting aside your pride, which is why so many people aren't willing to do it. He said, "First you have to admit that you need help, which takes either some guts or enough desperation that you don’t care anymore what others think. Then you have to admit your need to someone else, and allow that person to have some say and some sway in your affairs."
4. They accept that they can't control what actually happens
In the same vein as being brave and asking for help, successful people understand that they cannot control the outcomes of their actions.
So, yes, they can be brave, and yes, they can ask for help, but that does not guarantee success, and that is okay. Making mistakes is how we learn and grow, but sometimes we have to concede that the direct outcome is out of our hands. We can't control the future. We can't control how other people will behave. Sometimes things just don't work out the way we want them to, and in order to get what you want, you have to be okay with that.
5. They stick to their own routines
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Successful people, people who get everything that they want, or at least they almost always do, are creatures of habit. They thrive in their routines. You've probably heard the statistic that the most successful all make their beds first thing in the morning. It's all about the routine and the structure. They get up every day at the same time, go to work, go to the gym, shower, have dinner, and go to sleep. Every single day.
A 2023 machine-learning study published in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (PNAS)analyzed millions of people's gym habits to understand who was the most habitual. Researchers found that the defining hallmark of a habit is predictability. People automated their routines because their behaviors became attached to environmental cues like the time of day or the end of work.
6. They think positively
Positive thinking is difficult because most of us are pre-programmed with negative self-talk. Negative self-talk is unproductive and self-sabotaging, however.
In an episode of her podcast "Oprah's Lifeclass," Oprah, one of the most successful women in the world, said, "If you’re not conscious of [negative self-talk], then you end up acting out of that belief system and not what you know to be the truest or want to be the truest for yourself. You don’t become what you want, because so much of wanting is about living in the space of what you don’t have.”
7. They assert themselves
Asking for help is important, but directly asking for what you want is a next-level power move. In fact, being assertive is respected.
If you truly want to achieve your dreams, you have to put yourself first. You have to prioritize your needs and wants. Psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D., put it into perspective, writing, "Are you afraid that by doing well, you’ll be making someone else, such as your spouse, friend, or parent, feel inadequate? Looking into the reasons for your fear of asking might help you feel better and more prepared." Adding "Practice your assertiveness, and a 'no' can become a 'yes.'"
8. They set clear actionable goals
Without clear goals, trying to shoot for the moon and the stars won't get anyone cleared for takeoff. Setting clear actionable goals makes it easier to stick with your plan.
It's kind of like setting a really broad New Year's resolution. You won't stick to it past the first few weeks. But if it's clear and actionable, you can set yourself up for success. Taking a 10-minute walk twice a week is a whole lot more achievable than committing to a mile every single day.
9. They don't change who they are
We've all heard the stories of people scrambling to succeed, changing, and it's usually not for the better. But when your goal is to get what you want, you have to be true to who you are, or the goal becomes meaningless.
You might want to move up in your company, but if getting a promotion means compromising who you are, ask yourself whether it's worth it. According to a Consumer Content Report, 86% of people say that authenticity matters to them. Being completely honest and authentic means sometimes you have to change the goalposts.
10. They solve problems
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People who always get what they want are problem-solvers because, in negotiations, they present what they want as a solution to a problem you have. They are also master negotiators.
Stanford professor Maggie Neale said on the "Insights" podcast, "I’m going to present that proposal as a solution to a problem that you have. And that’s the crux of the collaborative problem-solving perspective. What it does is it takes this out of me-against-you. And it says how can we frame a solution that makes me better off while at least keeping you whole? And maybe making you better off by solving a problem of yours?"
Lyss Micalizzi is a writer covering human interest and pop culture, with a master’s in Literature and Culture, a bachelor’s in English Literary and Textual Studies, and over six years of writing and social media experience. Their work is driven by the belief that stories are what make us human.
