11 Subtle Habits That Quietly Reveal How Someone Really Thinks
Rachel Moon / ShutterstockIt’s not always easy to share our thoughts with others. We might be afraid that they’ll judge us, or we’ll come across as unintelligent. Feeling comfortable enough to show vulnerability isn’t something that comes naturally to everyone.
Whether we want to admit it or not, most of us care what other people think of us. How we are perceived can change how we interact with others. We might not share our true feelings because we are afraid of being judged. Others hold their true thoughts back for more nefarious reasons. They might want to convince someone that they are a better person than they actually are. No matter which motivation they have, certain habits can help you understand what a person is really thinking, even if they’re trying to keep their cards close to their chest.
These are 11 subtle habits that quietly reveal how someone really thinks
1. How they view boundaries
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Boundaries are everything in a relationship. You can tell how someone truly feels about you by how they respect your boundaries. By setting these boundaries, they are telling the person how they want to be treated. Whether it’s communication, touch, interactions, or what activities they are willing to participate in, they are drawing a line in the relationship. We often think of romantic relationship boundaries, but they’re also important in friend and family bonds. If someone in your life isn’t respecting your boundaries, they’re showing you how they truly think.
Someone may try to hide their thoughts about you, but how they approach your boundaries will show you everything you need to know. Constantly ignoring and crossing boundaries is a sign of disrespect.
2. How they respond to minor inconveniences
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You can tell how someone truly feels by how they handle minor inconveniences. Some people are quick to react because they have a lot going on under the surface. If they are constantly on edge, the littlest things can send them over the edge. Life feels overwhelming when you are constantly stressed, and snapping over minor problems could show you that they’re going through more than they are willing to share.
Someone like this might be dealing with something frustrating in their life. It’s not always easy to open up about these things. The way they handle the little things can show how they’re truly thinking.
3. If they take accountability for their actions
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You’ll be able to tell how someone feels about things by whether or not they take accountability for their actions. It’s not easy to admit when we’ve acted poorly. Whether it’s how we made someone feel or the way we handled a tense situation, everyone is going to fall short. What matters most is how they handle their shortcomings. If someone is quick to take accountability, it’s clear they care about you. They want to make things right and know positive change starts by admitting when they are wrong.
On the other hand, someone who refuses to take accountability may be selfish. This habit can show that they care about themselves and how things affect them before anything else. Their ego might be too big for them to reflect on their behavior. Someone like this isn’t going to think about you as much as they will themselves.
4. How they treat service workers
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When I was dating, I always paid close attention to how the person I was with treated service workers. When dining at a restaurant or staying at a hotel, these people are doing everything they can to make the experience pleasant. Some people think they are worthy of the best treatment, even though they are being rude to the people who are simply doing their jobs. This behavior always rubbed me the wrong way. It’s a habit that showed me how someone really thinks.
Some people have a superiority complex. They think they are better than everyone else. Not everyone wears their superiority complex on their sleeves. By paying attention to how they treat other people, especially strangers, it quietly reveals who they actually are.
5. If they interrupt when someone is talking
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Few things bother me more than being interrupted. I’m the type of person who easily loses my train of thought in a conversation. If someone cuts me off and I’m unable to finish a thought, it can shift the entire conversation for me. Since it bothers me, I try my best to be respectful when others are talking. I don’t want to make anyone else feel thrown off in a conversation.
When someone interrupts you, it’s a sign that they are more focused on their own thoughts than on what you are saying. They’re not afraid to cut you off to get their opinions in there. This habit can reveal how someone truly feels. Instead of being an active listener, they are waiting for an opportunity to talk, even if it means interrupting you.
6. If they make eye contact
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Eye contact is a sign of respect. When speaking with someone, you want them to appear engaged. Eye contact can show empathy, attentiveness, and interest. If you’re talking to someone and they’re looking around the room or glued to their phone screen, it’s easy to tell how they really think. This habit reveals that they’re more interested in something else than they are in the conversation they’re having with you.
While eye contact isn’t easy for everyone, they must show effort. You can tell when someone is trying to engage with you, even if it makes them a bit uncomfortable. Someone who truly is uninterested in the conversation may have an issue locking eyes with you because they’re thinking about something else entirely.
7. How they explain things
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When someone explains something, it can reveal how they truly think. The details they give show whether they care about what they’re talking about. If someone is giving you directions and they’re barely speaking or giving unclear instructions, it’s clear they are uninterested. Or, it can show up in how they replay previous events. If they’re telling a story and they are glossing over every detail that would make them look bad, it’s clear they have ulterior motives. They’re trying to protect themselves rather than tell the truth.
This habit is important to look out for. It can not only reveal how they think about you, but also whether they are an honest person.
8. If their actions match their words
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We’ve all heard the saying ‘actions speak louder than words.’ We can say something until we’re blue in the face, but if we don’t follow through, the talk was all for nothing. If someone rarely does the things they say they will, it’s a bad habit that reveals how they truly think. They think they can win you over by saying what you want to hear. It shows they care more about winning you over than actually making you happy.
Actions tell the truth. Anyone can say anything, but it takes a special person to follow through. If someone follows through, it’s a positive habit. On the other hand, someone who talks the talk but doesn’t walk the walk has a negative habit.
9. How they listen
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Active listening shows that someone is engaged in what you’re saying. They make eye contact and respond when appropriate. They are fully present. Not everyone has a knack for this listening technique. Some are in the habit of pretending to listen, but doing the opposite. If you asked them to repeat what you said, there’s a slim chance they’d be able to do it.
"Being fully present involves the skill of tuning into the other person’s inner world while stepping away from your own. This is a powerful skill in deeply connecting and sitting with another’s emotions," says Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD.
10. How they talk about people when they’re not around
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You can learn a lot about someone by how they speak about other people when they are not around. Gossiping is something we’ve all participated in, but it can be toxic. If someone is constantly talking poorly about someone behind their back, what could they be saying about you when you’re not around? It can make it hard to trust them. Even if they are nice to your face, this habit can show how they really think.
Someone like this isn’t afraid to put people down when they are not around to defend themselves. It’s petty and immature. Practicing this habit can make them a bad friend, and you may want to avoid them at all costs.
11. If they celebrate other people’s victories
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Some people are bitter. They’ll try to mask it, but certain habits will show their true feelings. If a person in their life succeeds, it’s hard for them to celebrate it. Instead, they’re often comparing themselves to them. Why did they get this work promotion? It must be luck. They’ll do anything they can to dismiss their achievements to make themselves feel better.
You will notice when someone fails to show up for people during a successful season of life. Likely, it’s because they are jealous or have low self-esteem. They may try to hide behind what they think appears as strength, but if they have this habit, it reveals how they truly feel about themselves.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
