7 Subtle Decisions People Make Every Day That Quietly Lead To Unhappiness
simona pilolla 2 | ShutterstockAs I approached a birthday, one with a ginormous number, a wise coach posed the question: If not now, when? I was grumbling about how I hadn't been getting enough done when I wanted to spend more time engaging in activities that would result in getting even less done. "If not now, when?" she asked.
My coach had a valid point. Perhaps you, too, use some of these same rationalizations as you avoid pursuing your passions and desires. A Harvard University study has suggested we make subtle decisions every day that quietly lead to unhappiness.
Here are seven subtle decisions people make every day that quietly lead to unhappiness:
Decision #1: 'I'll do it next year'
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It might be the big trip you've been talking about for eons. Perhaps time or money is getting in the way of taking that Alaskan cruise or visiting India. These are my fantasy trips, not yours, but surely you have a place you've always wanted to go or a thing you've been hoping to get to do.
If you want it, how about planning to set aside the funds and time? At some point, you may not have the energy, or other things will interfere. Maybe now is the time to commit.
Decision #2: 'I can't afford it'
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I'm not big on buying things to improve self-esteem or bring everlasting joy and happiness. However, everyone deserves the occasional splurge. I have a Cartier tank watch that I coveted when I was 20 and bought after much hesitation a year later with bonus money I earned from a job well done.
For you, it might be those coveted Manolo Blahnik shoes you've wanted for years. When I wear my watch, I get the same awesome feeling I had at 21. It reminds me of a time in my life when everything was possible. Even now, when I wear that watch, I know that I cannot fail.
Decision #3: 'I don't need it'
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There are many things we don't "need." A few things are necessities, like air or water. But what's wrong with taking a weekend to go someplace just to get away, or splurging on theater or concert tickets and taking the time to attend? Though we can live without these things, new experiences help us to flourish and thrive.
A study explored the benefits of going outside of your comfort zone. The results suggested that participating in new activities increased life satisfaction. It was also noted how people who chose to help others in ways that pushed them out of their comfort zones were even happier with their lives.
Decision #4: 'I might fail'
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Whether it's taking piano lessons or learning to sail, you don't have to commit to becoming an expert. Permit yourself to try something out because you think you might enjoy it. Stretching yourself and finding out about your hidden talents and passions is exciting.
Researchers investigated the influence of anticipation of future events on happiness. The study showed how the expectation of a positive future event activated the part of the brain in control of positive emotions. This activation was also related to higher feelings of general life satisfaction.
Decision #5: 'It's not productive'
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Does spending an entire weekend reading, watching movies, or binge-watching the series you missed seem like a waste of time? I know when I get these urges, there are usually valid reasons. But sometimes I'm just plain tired and need a weekend of R&R. I might be between projects and need some input to prod my creativity in a new direction. Of course, you don't want to spend every weekend this way, but why not occasionally, just for the fun of it?
Decision #6: 'It's not that important'
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How long have you been saying you'll visit that friend you've been dying to see since college? It's always great to rekindle important relationships, and what better way than spending time together? I hate to be morbid, but we never know how long that friend will be around or what the future will bring. There is no substitute for communing with people we love.
Research has found that while it does not take much to reinitiate contact, people are surprisingly reluctant to do so. The study suggested that one of the reasons for the reluctance may be that old friends feel like strangers. Encouraging casual conversations with strangers (grocery store clerk, coffee barista, etc.) helped ease anxiety and made people more likely to reach out to old friends.
Decision #7: 'I'm too busy'
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Are you too busy for a golf game you've been invited to, the yoga class that piqued your interest, or the new book you've been desperate to read? Yes, you can live without these things and others like them. They're things that come up spontaneously and spark our interest. But go ahead. You know you want to.
Dr. Judith Tutin is a psychologist and certified life coach who offers life coaching and psychotherapy services to address divorce recovery, relationship stress, parenting challenges, work-life balance issues, health and wellness concerns, and living a happy and fulfilled life.
