If Someone Often Talks In These 3 Ways, Psychologists Say They’re More Likely To Bring You Down
Brock Wegner | UnsplashEveryone's diagnosing everyone with narcissism on the thinnest of criteria these days, but it turns out there is one way to detect a potential personality disorder in a person: their speech patterns.
Psychological studies have shown that the way a person uses language, especially in times of conflict, can be a huge red flag for conditions like narcissistic personality disorder, and some of them are so common that it's easy to overlook them. The newest research on this topic comes from the University of Liverpool in the U.K., which found that whether it's in-person or just in an email or text message — or even a comment on a social media post — people with personality disorders tend toward certain uses of words that might be predictive of the conditions.
To evaluate this, lead researcher Charlotte Entwistle and her colleagues analyzed multiple studies of speech patterns and discovered three observable trends that correlate to personality disorders. Now, before you get too excited, Entwistle noted that "not everybody has a full-blown disorder," because personality, like so many other things, exists on a spectrum. As she puts it, "We’re all a little narcissistic, after all." However, these three patterns can sometimes tip off a personality disorder long before behavior does.
Psychogists say people who talk in these 3 ways are more likely to bring you down:
1. Their language is self-focused and urgent
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If a person is constantly using "I" statements, making it all about them, basically, it's an indicator that something might be off. Entwistle and her colleagues found a distinct pattern among those with personality disorders of using "I" statements far more than others, and rarely using words like "we," "us," or other collective words.
That self-focus was paired with a sense of urgency, as in "I need" or "I have to" statements that convey an immediate crisis. These words were often paired with equally intense emotional words, like "furious."
2. They speak in negative and absolutist ways
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From written work to Reddit posts, Entwistle and her teams found that those with personality disorders had language patterns that were intensely negative and absolutist, using words like "always," "never," or "completely" that leave no room for nuance or, really, discussion.
They were also far more likely to use negatives like "I can't" and "I won't" that are similarly unnuanced and paint a picture of extreme overwhelm, rigidity, and defeat.
3. They use language that focuses on negative self-beliefs
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In their research, Entwistle and her colleagues analyzed ongoing research of millions of online posts from roughly equal groups of people with and without personality disorders.
Those with personality disorders couched their statements not only in "I" sentences about themselves, but most often expressed firm, negative, and extreme beliefs about themselves, often describing themselves as mentally ill or unstable and others as "abusive," especially when talking about childhood or significant relationships.
Language alone is not a definitive sign of a personality disorder.
We all fall into these patterns once in a while, and it doesn't automatically mean someone has a personality disorder. Entwistle recommends, however, watching for abrupt shifts into these extreme patterns, which can be a red flag.
By the same token, if someone is aggressive, angry, self-focused, and absolutist right out of the gate, like in the first text message, conversation, introduction, etc.? It's probably best to tread carefully. It's one thing to be in a moment of struggle and fall into negative patterns, but it's quite another to use them by default with people you don't even know yet.
John Sundholm is a writer, editor, and video personality with 20 years of experience in media and entertainment. He covers culture, mental health, and human interest topics.
