When High-IQ Women Are Really Struggling, They Pretend They're Fine In 11 Specific Ways
Rawpixel.com | ShutterstockThere are some women who not only identify how they're feeling, but can be open with the people around them as well. They don't hold things in until it eventually boils over and becomes something bigger than it really was.
For highly intelligent women, despite how impressive their brainpower is, they may actually struggle with being vulnerable and opening up. It might feel good in the moment to just shove emotions deep down so they aren't a problem anymore, but suppressing emotions can lead to different kinds of stress-related illness that affect both your mental and physical health.
The specific ways high-IQ women pretend they're fine when they are really struggling aren't usually obvious at first, as they hide their true state of mind from the people around them. They might find that they're experiencing more bouts of anxiety and even depression, all because they're acting like everything's fine when it isn't. But apart from their health, there are other habits they tend to gravitate towards to keep what they're feeling hidden from everyone.
1. Defaulting to staying busy to avoid processing emotions
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The second they start to feel like their emotions are taking the better of them, high-IQ women will throw themselves into work. They'll find themselves staying later at work and always being busy so they don't have to actually sit down and process their emotions. It's usually because they know that as soon as they begin to process, it'll be an uncomfortable moment for them.
But just like over-explaining, staying busy can be a trauma response to keep yourself distracted rather than actually being able to heal. Looking inward at those negative emotions isn't fun at all, but doing it is the only way you'll be able to move on.
2. Pushing forward as if resting isn't an option
The thing about highly intelligent women is that they can't imagine ever slowing down their life, especially for their own mental health. Instead, they'll trudge forward as if they aren't allowed the ability to just sit and rest. In their mind, they believe if they keep moving, eventually they'll move right past the emotions they're feeling.
While it's true that the only way out is through, that only applies to letting yourself feel the emotions and acknowledging that you're struggling. But for these high-IQ women, they think that if they remain steady and strong, eventually they'll start to feel that way again.
3. Using humor to deflect from deep conversations
High-IQ women will start leaning on telling jokes and keeping themselves laughing so they never have to get vulnerable and have that deep conversation. The second a moment starts veering off into some kind of heavy topic, she'll quickly divert it to be something lighter so others don't pick up on the things she's trying to avoid.
The thing about humor is that it serves as the best temporary escape from distressing emotions. That's why people turn on a comedy if they've had a particularly bad day. But there's only so much humor you can hide behind before you're forced to confront your emotions.
4. Intellectualizing their emotions instead of expressing them
Rather than being able to admit that something hurts and they feel a certain way about it, high-IQ women analyze why it hurts and what caused it. While that sounds productive, they're not actually letting themselves fully feel that emotion at all. Instead, they're keeping it at a distance while they examine it, as if they're a scientist observing something through a microscope.
They're removing themselves entirely from that feeling, which feels safer to them but doesn't actually solve anything. The act of intellectualizing emotions acts as a shield against how overwhelming the emotions feel, rather than letting yourself feel it and understand it.
5. Becoming overly helpful to avoid being helped
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Highly intelligent women will suddenly try to become a person who can help others, hoping that it will distract people from seeing they're the ones that need the most help. They would much rather be of service to others than have to admit they need support.
By positioning themselves as the reliable one, they're avoiding the vulnerability that comes with admitting they aren't actually that person, nor do they want to be that person all the time. The more they take care of others, the less space there is for their own feelings.
6. Minimizing their own struggles compared to others
High-IQ women often find themselves justifying not needing support by thinking their problems aren't as bad as others'. It's a way for them to stay quiet, and it makes it easier for them to dismiss their own emotional needs as being unimportant. A lot of the time, these women have a habit of sugarcoating their own emotions and experiences anyway, but they do it often by using guilt and shame.
The problem is that two things can be true at once. Someone can be going through something traumatic but it doesn't negate or invalidate what they might be going through as well. It's not a competition.
7. Relying heavily on routines so nobody notices they're off
Even when they're feeling emotionally unstable, highly intelligent women will continue to rely on their routine. It can provide comfort for them when things feel so uncertain and out-of-wack, but they hope that by sticking with their usual habits, nothing looks different to others.
The routine becomes less of a comforting habit at that point and more of this mask that they wear to keep their emotions at bay. Even though they feel totally disconnected from the things they're used to doing, they continue doing it and hope that it'll eventually make them feel better.
8. Remaining hyper-aware of how they're being perceived
Even when they're struggling and feeling overwhelmed by their emotions, high-IQ women still manage to be aware of how they're coming across. It might actually be more than usual when they're going through something because they don't want people to be able to tell they're not their usual selves.
They will spend so much of their energy trying to come off as being composed that it can actually make them feel so much worse. The fear of being perceived this way tends to make people feel even more anxious than they probably already do. Keeping up that image can be heavier than the actual struggle they're going through.
9. Speaking less in group chats but still reading everything
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Similar to them no longer reaching out to make plans, high-IQ women pretend they're fine when they're really struggling by being less responsive in their group chats. They will make sure they're still staying aware, but they just don't have the energy at all to participate.
But they know if they stop reading and responding altogether, people will ask questions. They also, in some small way, want to stay connected to the people they care about, even when they're struggling.
10. Avoiding initiating plans but still showing up when invited
They no longer have the emotional bandwidth to reach out to the people in their life, but highly intelligent women don't want to make it too obvious they're going through a hard time. Instead, they'll continue to show up when they're being invited out, but they also won't really be there and be present. Sure, they're physically there, but mentally they're somewhere else.
And as much as they hope people don't notice, they can definitely tell, especially if that's not how they usually act when socializing. They force themselves to agree to things so they don't have to actually explain why they're not feeling anything like themselves.
11. Over-explaining everything to sound in control
Rather than showing they're in distress, high-IQ women will turn their emotions into a more logical assessment. They'll start explaining things in detail so nothing feels chaotic. They want to be able to maintain some semblance of control over their feelings, even when it doesn't feel like that internally.
Even if everything feels shaky and unstable, they can depend on their minds to make sense of it. So, they lean into the details of how they feel rather than unpacking how the emotions are contributing to their actions. But the act of over-explaining is usually a defense mechanism and doesn't actually solve anything.
Nia Tipton is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in creative writing and journalism who covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on psychology, relationships, and the human experience.
