People With Unusually High Emotional Intelligence Often Say 8 Phrases In Tense Conversations
goodluz | ShutterstockAn emotionally intelligent person considers the thoughts and feelings of those around them. That's why they always know exactly what to say when conversations get tense and tempers are close to the surface.
Staying level-headed and exhibiting compassion and understanding when engaging with others is a gift, and people with high emotional intelligence have it in spades. They can anticipate how the people they are talking to will react and temper their words and messages so they're more easily received.
Phrases people with high emotional intelligence use when a conversation is headed towards conflict:
1. 'I feel uncomfortable'
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While some may believe expressing discomfort comes across as rude or inconsiderate, having the strength to convey how you feel maturely shows you respect yourself and are emotionally intelligent. When a conversation is getting heated, expressing discomfort can put out the fire a bit. It turns the attention away from the grievance onto something more tangible and immediate.
It shows that you are aware of your emotions and aren’t afraid to communicate them. Research shows that by expressing their feelings, emotionally intelligent people model healthy communication and invite others to consider the impact of their words.
2. 'I'm going to work on that'
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Let's be real, it's hard to hear criticism from others. But rather than sulking in self-pity or shame, experiment with being open to hearing negative feedback and view it as an opportunity to grow.
People with emotional intelligence aren't afraid to acknowledge their shortcomings. When emotions are running high, taking ownership of their role in a potential disagreement immediately puts an end to the conflict.
3. 'I'm sorry that you’re hurting'
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Being able to step into someone else's shoes and show compassion and understanding for their experience is a sign of high emotional intelligence. It shows you care about others’ emotions and are willing to listen and understand their feelings. This helps form strong, long-lasting connections with others.
This simple yet powerful phrase acknowledges another person's pain without trying to fix it. Research has shown that emotionally intelligent people understand that sometimes the greatest gift you can give is the comfort of knowing they don't have to carry their pain alone.
4. 'It's okay to feel upset'
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Have you ever had someone tell you to calm down when you are super upset? Yeah, it doesn't work. You know what does work? Validating their feelings.
When we validate someone's right to feel upset, we're essentially giving them permission to be human. Research shows that this validation doesn't mean wallowing in negativity, but creating a foundation of acceptance that enables healing and growth.
5. 'I'm responsible for myself'
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Being emotionally intelligent means understanding that you are responsible for your feelings, not anyone else. The emotions you experience are a reflection of your own perception of the world, and how you choose to respond to situations is your responsibility.
Emotionally intelligent people also know everyone has their own inner world of thoughts and feelings, so even if someone intentionally tries to upset you, taking offense is a personal choice. Choosing not to get upset exemplifies mental strength and self-awareness. When an emotionally intelligent person doesn't take the bait, there's nowhere for someone itching for an argument to go.
6. 'No'
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Emotionally intelligent people understand that setting healthy boundaries with loved ones is necessary to protect their individual identity, and some of those boundaries require the word no. In fact, saying no and setting boundaries can actually stop a tense conversation before it can even happen.
By maintaining a healthy boundary, they can actually show up more authentically and helpfully for others because they're not confusing their loved ones' problems with their own. One study argued that this allows them to respond with clarity, compassion, and appropriate support rather than reactive entanglement.
7. 'It's not personal'
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Those with high emotional intelligence are open and willing to listen to others’ perspectives without taking things personally. Because they know they are responsible for their own feelings, they don’t take others' words as a personal attack. Rather, they welcome their unique experiences and perceptions.
By consistently reminding themselves that others' behaviors stem from their unique lens of experience, emotionally intelligent people protect their self-worth while remaining genuinely open to different perspectives. One study argued that this creates space for authentic connection and growth, rather than unnecessary conflict and wounded feelings.
8. 'I forgive you'
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Choosing to be the bigger person and forgive others for their mistakes exemplifies emotional intelligence. It's also integral to conflict resolution. When you are willing to be empathetic to others’ experiences, not only are you showing compassion to them, but to yourself as well.
It takes a lot of resentment to hold situations against others, and you owe it to yourself to release this toxic energy so you can grow and heal. Anyone can rise above egocentric tendencies and choose compassion.
Emotional intelligence is a gradual process that facilitates personal growth and development. Listen actively rather than just hearing to respond. We’re only here for a short time, so why waste it intentionally misunderstanding those around us?
You have the beautiful opportunity to grow and evolve in your lifetime, and choosing to communicate emotions with others in a way that elicits empathy and understanding is a great way to start.
Francesca Duarte is a writer based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.
