People Who Constantly Hear 11 Well-Meaning Compliments Are Actually Just Exhausted
alexaSH | Shutterstock Nobody lives a stress-free life these days, including celebrities and influencers who always seem to be floating in a perfect tropical pool. But even the people who seem to have it all sometimes feel like they're white-knuckling their way through life.
For example, someone with a ton of friends may be juggling way too many responsibilities trying to keep everyone happy. A person running their own business may be crumbling under all their tasks. Keeping an eye out for these well-intentioned compliments can help you spot those who are more burned-out than most people realize.
People who hear these 11 compliments regularly are often totally exhausted
1. 'You're always my go-to person at work'
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If you’re the “go-to person” for people, chances are you’re feeling pretty exhausted right now. While helping others can be beneficial to mental and emotional wellbeing and can help people form better bonds and be happier at work, always being the person people seek guidance and support from can be taxing.
When you consistently put other people’s needs first, even subconsciously, it's easy to let your own needs fall off your list of priorities. Over time, all that self-abandonment takes a toll, and you start becoming dependent on these compliments to feel good about yourself.
So, remember, you can always say, "I'm so sorry, I don't have time for this right now. Maybe later?" or simply, "No."
2. 'I don't know how you get so much work done!'
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Whether it's family responsibilities, work burdens, or grief in your personal life, if you’re dealing with a big workload without any kind of self-care or mindfulness practices, there’s no chance you’re not exhausted. People often notice this level of output and wonder how you're surviving it. The truth is, you barely are surviving it!
Many of the early signs of burnout are subtle, meaning you could be simultaneously praised for tackling a big workload without even realizing you’re pushing yourself toward physical and emotional exhaustion.
Things like headaches, neck pain, brain fog, and procrastination can be easily overlooked as signs of standard tiredness, but they could be the warning signs that allow you to prioritize rest amid a chaotic routine. Remember, people are shocked at your work output because they know how exhausted they'd be if they were in your shoes.
3. 'How you do it all and still have perfect kids?'
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Being a great parent doesn’t mean being a perfect one, though that seems to be what everyone is striving for. these days. This is, without a doubt, influenced by social media and the rise of momfluencers who make perfection seem easy.
In truth, perfection isn't real and getting close isn't easy. In fact, if people think you've achieved it, you're probably exhausted. Like, really exhausted.
Being a parent is hard, even for people who have a network of support and a lot of confidence. It's pretty thankless and it doesn't even pay well! It's no wonder being called a perfect parent can feel intoxicating and lead you to want more of it. Soon, though, you will wind up completely exhausted in the quest to hear this compliment more.
4. 'Good for you for getting out there'
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If you're being praised for putting yourself out there or going on a lot of first dates, chances are you’re feeling a bit overwhelmed and exhausted.
There are ways to date and meet new people without exhausting yourself, but many people who set goals around first dates either invest too much into these dates or simply over-schedule them, thinking they'll know the moment they meet "the one". When people praise you for trying, it's often a sign you're trying a lot.
If you’re exhausted by trying to meet your partner, make sure you’re spending a fair share of time focused on yourself. It might seem counterintuitive, but if you can adopt mindfulness habits like journaling that help you to learn more about yourself, you’re more likely to show up as the best version of yourself on dates.
5. 'You're a better person than me, dealing with all that'
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It can be emotionally draining to deal with a toxic family member, whether you’re an adult child navigating a relationship with a narcissistic parent or a sibling trying to make amends with a toxic sister. Chances are, if you’re being praised for being willing to deal with these things, you're probably pretty exhausted.
Dealing with a dysfunctional friend or workmate is one thing, but when you've got a close family member who keeps making a mess in your life, it's a deeper experience. You have your entire history laid out behind you, informing how you feel about them. You probably also have the rest of your family involved, with lots of emotions riding on your choices. So make sure you're taking care of yourself, too.
6. 'It's amazing how much you do with so little'
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There’s a solid link between emotional distress and financial instability, and more working families are experiencing financial stress these days. People with less financial freedom or disposable income are largely more anxious, stressed, and depressed than their comfortable counterparts.
You may be praised for making ends meet or being able to live a happy life while making little money, but that doesn’t take away from the reality that it can be incredibly exhausting and isolating. It also doesn't take away from the fact that this compliment is probably more of a condescending dig.
7. 'I admire how you never seem lonely'
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While many young adults today are forced to live at home or with roommates to offset financial insecurity and struggles, there are still a number of people who’ve been able to afford the expense of living alone. Often, other people envy them and say things like, "you must love the peace and quiet!" meaning it positively.
But it’s not always the peaceful, quiet, and healthy environment everyone expects it might be. Especially for people with a support system or healthy habits that encourage them to leave their home, social isolation and feelings of loneliness can have detrimental effects on emotional well-being.
It can feel disorienting for people living alone to get praised for these things, affording a solo living situation or handling their adult responsibilities on their own, but there’s no chance they’re not exhausted, especially if they feel guilty for struggling or grappling with loneliness.
8. 'You're the only person I know who juggles work and school so well'
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Especially in today’s world, getting an education is no easy feat. Few people these days are able to be full-time students without also balancing a job or accruing huge student loans.
It's easy to look at a college student and think they must be having the time of their lives, but gone are the days when college always meant party time and carefree living. In addition, lots of people are going back to school after having kids, which is certainly no easy feat!
So, when you see them juggling everything, remember how much work they're putting in to better themselves and create more opportunity for themselves and their kids.
9. 'You're always so kind to everyone'
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In today’s ultra-competitive world, many empathetic people who lead with kindness end up completely exhausted. They try to live their values and give others what they hope the world will give them, only to be met with enough negativity to feel totally worn down.
When you meet someone who is always kind to others, remember that it's not always an easy feat to accomplish. They're likely not just one of those sunshine-and-rainbows people, but rather a person who has made a choice to rise above shallow judgments and divisive garbage. This isn't an easy task, it is real work happening below the surface.
If you're one of the people who hears this compliment, we see you and we know the valiant effort that goes into it. Make sure you're taking care of yourself, too, so you can sustain it.
10. 'You have more friends than anyone I know'
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We've all met someone who has a million friends. Everyone knows them, everyone seems to love them, and many people consider them a best friend. This is an amazing trait, but all of that friendship requires effort. They pour into each one earnestly in a way few of us can imagine.
If, however, you’re one of these people and absorbing other people’s stress and feeling obligated to say “yes” to social events, please know that it's OK to say "no" sometimes, too. You deserve that. As the old saying goes, you can't pour from an empty cup.
Having a lot of friends can be incredibly beneficial for building community and navigating life with support, but people looking in on someone with a million friends should know that it can be exhausting, even when it's rewarding.
11. 'It's so awesome that you're your own boss'
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People often think entrepreneurs must be living the most fun lives. After all, they're their own boss, and that means lots of freedom, right? Not always!
In the first few years of figuring everything out and establishing your business, there’s no chance you’re not exhausted. When you're the boss, even your own boss, everything falls on you. The success of your venture depends on you alone, and that's a lot!
The good news is that research shows the overwhelm associated with starting a business is likely to fade over time. In fact, entrepreneurs actually report much less burnout, anxiety, and stress than their corporate counterparts working rigid 9-to-5s.
So, yes, people who hear compliments around their entrepreneurship deserve them. It's a lot of work, and there are so many rewards. But for now, they're probably pretty exhausted.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a staff writer with a bachelor’s degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
