People With True Integrity Often Use These 11 Phrases When They Talk To You
insta_photos | Shutterstock A person who has integrity is known to be honest, with strong moral principles. These people aren't afraid to admit they were wrong and own up to their mistakes, and try to do the right thing, even when nobody else is around to witness it. Yes, this type of integrity is rare, but it doesn't exist only within monks and saints. Often, those you meet every single day, are people with true integrity.
So, how can you know if someone is one of those rare types? There are certain phrases people use when they have true integrity, and although the wording might not seem like a big deal for everyday use, it showcases just how respectful they are. Integrity, while it is rare, is something anyone can work on developing by apologizing sincerely and standing up to what's right. Surrounding yourself with people who have true integrity is easier when you know what phrases they'll use when talking to you.
People with true integrity often use these 11 phrases when they talk to you
1. 'I'm sorry, I made a mistake'
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It's okay to mess up from time to time. To err is human, especially in tough situations, when people sometimes allow their emotions to get the better of them. That may result in them behaving in ways they normally would not.
But people with integrity tend to own up to their errors. Saying, "I'm sorry, I made a mistake" shows their incredible ability to rein in their emotions and sympathetically apologize. This makes for a fantastic partner, friend or trusted partner in business.
According to research, someone's ability to apologize directly impacts their relationship in positive ways. According to a study published in Frontiers In Psychology, people are more forgiving, grateful, and positive when they receive an apology. So, saying, "I'm sorry" can make all the difference.
2. 'I know I'm not perfect but I'm willing to learn'
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In life, we are all bound to mess up. Making mistakes is the building block of learning, and through recognizing and understanding those mistakes, we can grow into someone even better. In order to do this, one has to recognize that they aren't perfect and recognize when they need to grow.
Even better, people with true integrity are interested in learning how to do better. It's not just an empty promise, saying they want to learn, they will actually take steps to learn how to make the repair and do better next time. That means taking initiative by reading books to improve themselves, personally, or to learn more about the context of the mistakes they made.
Regardless of how, it's clear that a person who has integrity wants more than just forgiveness, they also want to become better people as a result of their mistakes.
3. 'I messed up'
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Mistakes are a major part of becoming a better person, and someone with true integrity is able to admit those errors without shame. Doing so is a great way to educate and teach themselves about what they can do differently.
According to psychology professor Lizabeth Roemer Ph.D., learning from mistakes can bring people closer to others. This must be done mindfully, so as to make sure not to cause harm to the person we're discussing our mistakes with. For example, dumping your mistakes and regrets on someone is not kind. However, relating back-and-forth, brainstorming solutions together, and committing to growth are ways to talk about your mess-ups while still having integrity.
"It's easy to fall into a habit of rigidly trying to avoid mistakes and feeling upset whenever we can't. And yet, mistake-making is part of learning new things, and our humanness in engaging with them can draw us closer to others," Roemer said. So look for people who do that, and you'll know they have integrity.
4. 'I can't support that'
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People who have integrity aren't always going to be the most liked person in the room. When they are involved in conversations that go against their own morals, they are the first to stand up and say, "I can't support that." Similarly, when someone is engaged in in self-destructive behaviors or doing things that cause harm to others, they will stand up and say it.
In the moment, they might experience dirty looks from their peers or colleagues who whisper behind their back or distance themselves. Though this behavior is meant to silence and intimidate those who speak out, it can also bring about unexpected respect from those around them. These are the traits of a true leader, and research supports the value of having a leader with this much integrity.
Regardless of how others receive it, people with true integrity will do what's right. That's the biggest sign of all.
5. 'What do you think?'
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On the surface, asking the question "What do you think?" may seem like a question someone who is not confident may ask. The stereotype of a strong person often looks like someone who doesn't need insight, advice or support.
In truth, this is one of the phrases people use when they have true integrity. They know they don't have all the right answers, and they want to be sure everyone involved in the conversation is heard. This is beneficial in families, business settings and even in love relationships.
Research from 2023 determined that feeling heard can bring people a sense of ease and closeness in their relationships. For someone with true integrity, making sure people are comfortable and at ease is likely as important as making the right decision in the first place.
6. 'Honesty is the best policy'
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Being honest isn't always easy, especially in a culture that values surface-level approval. People may secretly dislike honest individuals, even their close friends and family, but a person with true integrity remains honest nonetheless. Often, those who are uncomfortable with those who refuse to lie or keep unhealthy secrets feel this way because they cannot imagine being confident enough to tell the truth and face the consequences.
Of course, people with integrity do their best not to let their honesty wound others. They know they can tell the truth in ways that are truly benevolent, and they do their best to make sure that happens. Because honesty creates stronger bonds and relationships, and, according to The Gottman Institute, it is key to having a healthy romantic relationship, too.
7. 'I'm going to make things right'
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Someone with integrity chooses to take accountability for their actions, which is never easy. This shows that they won't go against their own morals for the sake of taking the easy way out.
Listen, apologizing is hard. Making things right is often even harder, which is odd considering that we all know it's the right thing to do. According to research from the European Journal of Social Psychology, people hate apologizing because it makes them feel threatened. Tyler G. Okimoto, Ph.D., a professor and associate dean for the Faculty of Business, Economics, and Law at the University of Queensland, adds that people feel threatened because apologies "feel like diminishing the self" and it makes them feel like they are giving up power and control.
That's why people with true integrity are rare. Not everyone is as strong as they are, and not everyone is willing to make things right.
8. 'I refuse to compromise my values'
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Those who stick to their values have incredible integrity, and may often verbalize it by saying flat-out, "I refuse to compromise my values." While some may find that abrasive, that likely says more about the person who is irritated than the person with integrity.
In the face of adversity or corruption, they don't falter, even when others encourage them to change their minds. These individuals are consistent in their beliefs because their moral compass is internal, not based on pressure or whims. This is especially evident in the way they treat others.
One of their values is likely to practice kindness. And according to a study published in the Journal of Social Psychology, performing acts of kindness boosts happiness, which is likely why people with true integrity are also generally happier.
9. 'I need to face the consequences of my actions'
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People who admit that they made a mistake are hard to come by. But even more rare is those who actively seek to rectify their errors and face the consequences of their actions. People who hate admitting their failures or trying to fix them do so because of shame; however, those who face their mistakes head-on are mature and have unmatched integrity.
Taking accountability is respectable and admirable, and shows a person is courageous. It's also indicative of a person who understands the importance of owning up to mistakes and coming out the other side a better, more well-rounded person. And that is the key to accepting consequences. Not only do you know you take responsibility, you know there is much to be learned from those consequences.
10. 'Let's keep things respectful'
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Sometimes, conversations get heated and people are quick to become angry. But one of the phrases people use when they have true integrity is "Let's keep things respectful," as these individuals want to keep the peace. This is part of accepting one's emotional state and being realistic about how rational and kind you can be in the moment.
Having at least one person in the room to ground others and keep them in check is especially useful and is a sign of effective leadership. According to research published in Frontiers in Psychology, good conflict management is crucial for creating positivity in a team, stating that respectful problem-solving means "solv[ing] the conflict through open, cooperative, peaceful, and friendly methods."
A few similar phrases you might hear from someone with integrity are, "Let's take a break, I'm starting to feel heated" or "I think I may not be in the best place for this discussion right now, and I want to keep things peaceful" and even, "I don't like the way we're talking right now, and I want us both to feel good about how this conversation goes."
11. 'I need to do the right thing'
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It's hard to do the right thing all the time. But for people with integrity, they won't go against their own belief system, even if what they are trying to fix is mentally or physically exhausting, even if it's a difficult path to walk. But doing the right thing consistently is proof of a person with great character and integrity, which is respectable.
People with true integrity know that the best way to do the right thing is to combine all of the skills and virtues from this list and to integrate them into their daily lives. For the rest of us, who are doing our best but far from perfect, looking for people who say these phrases can help us surround ourselves with those who inspire us toward the ultimate state of true integrity. If we're lucky, they'll expect us to live up to their standards, and help us find our way to a better, more integrity-filled life.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
