People Who Refuse To Let A Toxic Co-Worker Or Boss Walk All Over Them Say 9 Brilliant Phrases
Ostap Davydiak | ShutterstockAt work, you can’t expect everyone to get along, especially when stress is high. When employees and managers don't see eye to eye, frustration and resentment can build over time. It's usually wise to follow the "better left unsaid" mantra, but if the conflict centers on a toxic co-worker or boss, that's not always possible.
When workplace conflicts happen, and you have no choice but to put a toxic colleague in their place, there’s a respectful, professional way to do it. These phrases will make sure your problematic co-worker knows you won't let them get away with their bad behavior, while keeping your professional standing intact.
People who refuse to let toxic people walk all over them use these phrases:
1. 'Your last-minute planning is not my emergency'
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We all have those days when we desperately need someone to cover for us in an emergency, but sometimes an employee's lack of planning falls on the rest of the crew. In most cases, co-workers accommodate each other, especially when they know a colleague is struggling and it's affecting their productivity. However, it's never okay for a slacker to glom onto others in the hopes of skating by without actually doing anything.
If you find yourself in this situation, it's imperative to speak up because if you don't, this co-worker will only become more brazen with their favors. You don't have to stand up for everyone in the office. If they choose to pick up the slack, that's on them. But you do need to protect your boundaries.
2. 'Let's not get emotional here'
High levels of workplace stress are part of the job description. Often, things go awry, and both workers and managers must scramble to solve a problem. So, in these moments, it's best to stay logical rather than emotional.
In an article for Psychology Today, Mira Brancu, Ph.D., explained that emotion regulation is not just about keeping your cool or eliminating or suppressing your emotions. It's about being pragmatic when others are taking things personally.
3. 'I'm not the permanent solution to a lack of resource management planning'
Some people have attributes that others in the workplace just can’t or won’t do, whether it's part of their job description or not. Sometimes, managers notice these attributes and take advantage of an already overworked colleague instead of hiring someone to take on the extra work. A lack of resources or proper management should not fall on the shoulders of good employees.
Good workers are hard to come by, and if you are one, you shouldn't let management take advantage of your work ethic. According to a Gallup Poll, only 30% of the U.S. workforce is engaged in their work, while 70% are not reaching their full potential. When workers or managers can’t meet quotas or the numbers, the company takes it as a sign that things lower on the totem pole are wrong, when really it comes from the top down.
4. 'I understand your concern. Now let's shift toward finding a constructive solution'
Working together to solve problems is the most effective way to keep the peace in the workplace. As a manager, it shows you understand employee concerns and are willing to help, while for employees, it shows you are willing to chip in as part of the team.
Venting is understandable occasionally, but complaining instead of taking action only makes things worse. Toxic employees consistently bring morale down, so respond with a solution-based clap back to get things back on track.
5. 'All feelings are valid, but not all behaviors are appropriate'
Some things are out of our control, like co-workers who simply don’t like you. "Employees can feel undervalued and unseen when inappropriate workplace issues are ignored or embraced," said Jennifer Lea Austin from Psychology Today. These workplaces flourish because of a lack of accountability.
For instance, if you have an employee who is quiet, clocks in on time, never misses days of work, and gets the job done, but an employee who does the opposite is rewarded instead, then it can cause resentment in the workplace. That resentment is absolutely valid, but it doesn't justify making the rewarded employee the object of disdain.
6. 'I'm not confused; you're being indirect'
If there's any rule that should be followed to the letter in the workplace, it's that instructions and expectations should be spelled out clearly. If a task hasn't been fully thought through, or an individual's productivity isn't quantifiable, that's a management problem, not an employee problem. If your toxic manager tries to pin the blame on you after unclear expectations, you cannot stay silent.
7. 'I'm here voluntarily, but I am not a volunteer'
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Sometimes, higher-ups take the employees and managers beneath them for granted. They expect them to prioritize work over everything else and never complain about compensation. If your job tries to guilt you or scare you into working more than you should without additional pay, you must stick up for yourself.
Employees are paid for their time and skills. That's a complete sentence. Yes, the occasional overtime is expected for salaried employees, but it shouldn't be part of a regular schedule. If it is, it's time for a raise or, at the very least, a promotion.
8. 'Just because you want a conflict doesn't mean I need to engage in it'
When you and your co-worker disagree, saying this phrase is the professional version of "I can’t talk to you about this anymore." Remember, you control your own emotions and behavior. Just because someone is trying to provoke you doesn't mean you have to engage. Escalating the conflict won't help.
According to Evolve The Com, workplace conflicts cost U.S. businesses $359 billion annually, and 72% of organizations don't have a formal policy in place to address them. This is shocking, since most workplaces have human resources departments that are supposed to be trained to solve these problems for the company's sake.
9. 'I see your point, I just don't agree with it'
Nobody is going to agree with each other all the time; after all, a diverse set of opinions is valuable for looking at different perspectives. If you need an apology to end a continuous argument and find peace, then so be it. Putting your mental sanity above being right is often the best goal.
When these discussions get testy, things can spiral out of control. “Arguments damage relationships because they attempt to force others to support your goals without considering their interests,” explained psychology professor John A. Johnson, Ph.D. You won't change your co-workers' minds, and you shouldn't. It’s about sharing a space and working toward a common goal.
Sylvia Ojeda is an author with a decade of experience writing novels and screenplays. She writes about self-help, relationships, culture, and human-interest topics.
