Men Who Grew Up Feeling Alone With Their Emotions Have 10 Habits That Honestly Make Them Easy To Spot
Krakenimages.com | ShutterstockThere are so many things about childhood that continue to affect people for the rest of their lives. People learn how to process and deal with their emotions while growing up, and it can be hard to undo those patterns once they’re set in place, even if someone knows they’re unhealthy.
This can be a big problem for children who face a lack of emotional support from their parents, which is considered a form of emotional neglect. Because they felt alone with their emotions as kids, these people will continue to have problems expressing how they feel throughout their lives. When this is combined with the societal pressures men typically experience, it can turn absolutely toxic.
Men who grew up feeling alone with their emotions have 10 habits that honestly make them easy to spot
1. They try to escape reality
Krakenimages.com | Shutterstock
Men who had this experience growing up probably don’t feel entirely comfortable with their emotions and may even think that facing them head-on is a bad thing. This will lead them to avoid actually feeling things through any means possible, including disconnecting from day-to-day life through escapism.
Escapism can come in pretty much any form that serves as a coping mechanism and takes someone’s mind off of stress, like working out, daydreaming, reading, or gaming. It’s not always a bad thing, but it’s easy to see how it could be taken to an extreme. Too much escapism could stop a guy from getting important things done or make him lose touch with his family, which isn’t going to help him emotionally either.
2. They do everything they can to stay productive
gpointstudio | Shutterstock
Our culture prizes productivity, so it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking that getting as much done as possible is a good thing. But, as clinical psychologist Natalie Dattilo said, “Toxic productivity is really an internal pressure to be productive at all times and prioritize your to-do list at the expense of your mental or physical well-being.”
It’s not surprising that this can lead to burnout and mental health issues like depression and anxiety. Always doing something is a good way to keep your mind occupied and ignore any uncomfortable emotions you may have, but it’s not a healthy way for anyone to cope, especially long-term.
3. They experience their emotions more on a physical level
TetianaKtv | Shutterstock
We think of emotions as being separate from physical sensations, but the two are closely linked. Through the mind-body connection, what we feel mentally activates different systems in our body that give us physical feelings we associate with the emotions, like a tight chest when you’re anxious.
This is just how the human body works, but these men might experience this a bit differently. If they’ve spent years suppressing their emotions and doing everything they can to ignore them, they might notice something feels off physically but not actually be able to identify the emotion that’s causing it.
4. They have trouble apologizing
fizkes | Shutterstock
Knowing how and when to apologize is necessary to foster healthy relationships and, really, to function in the world in general. This has always come more easily to some people than others, though. Men who struggle with their emotions are usually not pros at saying they’re sorry.
Although there’s no reason to be ashamed of needing to offer an apology, doing so can feel threatening because you’re acknowledging you were wrong and giving the other person power. When a man already has a difficult relationship with his feelings, the last thing he’s going to want to do is put control of the situation in someone else’s hands. Unfortunately, this can have a pretty obvious negative effect on his personal life.
5. They use humor to distract people
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
Humor is a common coping mechanism, and it can actually have a positive effect. In a study published in the journal Behavioral Sciences, researchers noted it can “reduce the burden of perceived stress and increase positive emotional states when dealing with stressful situations.”
It’s easy to take humor too far, though. A man who isn’t comfortable with his emotions might respond to any questions about how he’s doing with sarcasm or a silly quip to deflect attention from what the other person probably already suspects. It becomes a cover-up and a way to avoid actually addressing what he’s feeling.
6. They’re afraid of vulnerability
Srdjan Randjelovic | Shutterstock
Opening up and showing who you truly are can be difficult even when you have a healthy connection to your emotions, so it’s easy to understand why a guy who doesn’t have that solid foundation would feel like he just couldn’t be vulnerable. This is a relationship requirement, though, so the alternative is quite literally going through life alone.
A team of researchers from the University of Mannheim studied people’s perceptions of vulnerability and found that their participants usually thought vulnerability was a good thing when someone else showed it, but didn’t feel that way about themselves.
If you think about it, there probably haven’t been many times when someone has shared something personal and you judged them for it, but that’s exactly what we do to ourselves. This makes men think that vulnerability is unsafe and should be avoided at all costs.
7. They never ask for help
fizkes | Shutterstock
Men who grew up without a strong support system learned very early in life to solve problems on their own and never to depend on anyone else. Now that they’re adults and have different people in their lives, they might have loved ones who care and want to help them, but they still don’t feel right asking for it.
Most people are happy to help others out, but it still feels like a burden for the person in need to ask. Psychotherapist Amy Brodsky, LISW-S, said, “There’s an unspoken admission when we ask for help that we can’t do something — or that we can’t do it right.”
Abandoning the image of complete self-reliance is hard for these men, so they’ll probably try to keep muddling through on their own. Of course, this will only make existing problems even bigger.
8. They can’t explain their emotions
simona pilolla 2 | Shutterstock
Actually talking about your emotions comes with challenges for everyone, but when a man has been taught that what he’s feeling is wrong, he probably won’t make much of an effort to understand what he’s feeling at all. If he doesn’t think feeling a full spectrum of emotions is safe, then there’s really no need for him to even figure it out for himself.
Some people have trouble talking about how they feel because they think it will concern others or they’ll misunderstand. However, it’s also possible to have a condition called alexithymia that makes it hard for people to feel and explain their emotions. Whichever description applies to this man, he just won’t know how to verbalize what he’s feeling.
9. They try to fix everything
Trzykropy | Shutterstock
When some men notice something is off, instead of trying to get to the root of whatever’s wrong, they jump straight into problem-solving mode. They don’t take the time to consider how something is actually affecting them on an emotional and mental level and instead do whatever it takes to fix it and make it go away.
The discomfort that comes with the realization that you can’t control everything is normal. What’s hard for some people is the fact that getting over the need to fix everything often comes from accepting that it’s out of your hands. Feeling an uncomfortable emotion doesn’t mean someone needs to automatically fix an elusive problem. It could just mean they need to process their emotions and give themselves some space.
10. They hide how they’re really feeling
fornStudio | Shutterstock
People who aren’t comfortable with their emotions are going to have a natural tendency to hide them from others. After all, if they don’t know how to deal with them on their own, why would they give someone else that kind of access?
Hiding feelings is a common defense and coping mechanism that people turn to when they don’t want to look like they aren’t in control or give others the chance to hurt them, but it can cause increased stress and depression. Men who felt emotionally stunted growing up might want to do this because they think it will protect them in some way, but it will just lead to more problems in the end.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
