If Your Inner Voice Is Always Mean To You, Experts Say These 2 Small Changes Can Help
Marcos Calvo | CanvaMost people know what it's like to have an inner voice that's always mean to them. That voice can quietly question your abilities, your appearance, your choices, and your chances of success until it starts to feel like the truth instead of just a thought.
Experts say the goal isn't to silence your inner critic completely, because it's been forming since childhood. But if your inner voice is always mean to you, two small changes can help you stop believing everything it says and start responding to yourself with more confidence and clarity.
If your inner voice is always mean to you, experts say these 2 small changes can help:
1. Get curious about your inner critic instead of believing it
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While you may have imperfections, they are areas for inner change and growth. Your inner critic tells you that you can't achieve a goal because that imperfection is holding you back. Defend your imperfections by using them as motivation to achieve your goals and grow in life. Cara Cordoni, life coach and speaker, offers a greatly helpful tip to confront your critic: "by engaging with it, by being curious," and playing with it.
She suggests, "Why don't you send the critic on vacation to Paris for two weeks so that we can focus on you getting at this space for you to be and do what you want." Bon voyage, inner critic! Time to set sail on my goals and dreams!
2. Release old reactions that are still fueling your self-doubt
After years of containing your responses to external critics' past criticism, withholding those emotional responses has fueled your internal critic and maintained your self-doubt and lack of confidence. Let all that bad energy leave your mind and body, creating space to achieve your goals and improve your life.
Dr. John Gray, therapist and counselor, clearly sums this up for you: "You identify the voices. You identify your reaction to the voices, and the voice becomes a loving, reassuring parent giving you the support you deserve." Goodbye, bad energy! Hello, success!
Is your inner critic mind controlling your life?
If your inner voice is always mean to you, hearing how other people deal with that same struggle can make a real difference. In the YourTango video What Do I Do With My Awful Inner-Critic?, Dr. John Gray and a panel of experts explain why that voice shows up in the first place and what you can learn from it instead of letting it control you. The goal isn't to erase your inner critic completely. It's to understand it well enough that it stops deciding who you think you are.
Experts Charles J. Orlando, Dr. John Gray, Leah Benson, Cara Cordoni, and Atul Kumar Mehra are relationship and mental health professionals, authors, and coaches who specialize in confidence, personal growth, and emotional development.
