If You Actually Think For Yourself, You Likely Distance Yourself From These 10 Types Of People
F01 PHOTO | ShutterstockMost people like to think they make their own decisions, but it's surprisingly easy to absorb the opinions, habits, and expectations of the people around you without even realizing you're doing it. If you actually think for yourself, you start noticing how certain personalities make it harder to stay grounded in what you believe.
It's not easy to make friends as someone who's an independent thinker. Filled with ideas that some would consider 'bizarre' or 'out there,' you've accepted the fact that you aren't everyone's cup of tea; that's why, over time, you start distancing yourself from people who pressure or disagree with you about your choices.
If you actually think for yourself, you likely distance yourself from these 10 types of people:
1. Constant complainers
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If you actually think for yourself, you likely distance yourself from those who constantly complain. Everyone complains every once in a while, whether it's about coworkers or class; it's not abnormal to complain. However, constant complainers always know how to bring a mood down. Filled with negativity and a lack of gratitude, these people always see the worst in life.
This isn't great, as Associate Faculty Member Jessica Koehler, Ph.D., pointed out that, "Living under the weight of constant negativity is not just unpleasant; it can harm our mental health." This is why those who think for themselves never surround themselves with this type of person; they realize it's much more work than it's worth.
2. Validation seekers
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While it's normal to seek validation every once in a while, a constant need for validation isn't always healthy. This is why, if you actually think for yourself, you probably distance yourself from validation seekers. On one hand, these types of people are really going through it; whether it's a symptom of past trauma or they're simply going through a period of insecurity, it's tempting to give in and always reassure someone who's looking to feel validated.
However, this kind of constant validation-seeking can drain a person's energy. These types of people tend to become overly attached, which can eventually create a toxic relationship. So, to avoid toxicity and to build a more peaceful life, people who actually think for themselves are quick to cut off anyone who takes away from their mental well-being.
3. Toxic optimists
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Life isn't always going to be fair. Every once in a while, negativity is bound to come knocking at your door. While most people try to push past it with forced positivity, those who think for themselves tend to distance themselves from toxically optimistic people. As good as optimism can feel in small doses, thinking independently often means staying open-minded enough to acknowledge the harder side of a situation, too.
According to a study published in the Journal of Clinical and Experimental Neuropsychology, openness is linked with higher IQ. Because of this, it's not surprising that independent thinkers often prefer honesty to forced positivity, choosing to stay close to people who are real rather than those who hide behind constant fake smiles.
4. Conversation hijackers
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Let's face it, everyone loves to talk about themselves. While most people know it's in poor taste to make an entire conversation all about themselves, some still end up hijacking it anyway. They don't think about it when they interrupt the flow of casual conversations, often because they get excited and distracted. But if you actually think for yourself, well, you're more likely to step back from conversations that start feeling one-sided.
Even if you understand that people don't always mean to interrupt, you still crave relationships that feel like an equal exchange, so you're used to carefully analyzing your own feelings and deciding for yourself who is worth your time. While conversation hijackers may not mean to cause trouble, you actively choose to surround yourself with people who match your energy instead of constantly competing for space in the conversation.
5. Energy drainers
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Being friends with exhausting people isn't just tiring; the constant flood of negativity can drive anyone insane. As physician Kristen Fuller, M.D., said, "Entering into a toxic relationship can result in severe inner conflict that can potentially lead to anger, depression, or anxiety." This is why, if you actually think for yourself, you'll always choose to distance yourself from people who drain your energy.
If you're prioritizing your well-being, you can't help but run when some energy-zapping person comes into the picture. Whether they're always complaining about something or they constantly have something negative to add to the conversation, it doesn't matter. If they aren't lifting you up, they aren't worth your energy.
6. Gossipers
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To be fair, a little gossip isn't going to hurt anyone. As much as people claim to hate it, celebrity tea or family drama has a way of making life a little more interesting, as long as you aren't directly involved. Yet, if you truly think for yourself, you tend to avoid people who constantly spread gossip. What feels harmless once in a while becomes exhausting when someone is always bringing drama and negative energy into the conversation.
Because of that, people who think for themselves and care about their peace of mind often choose to distance themselves from these kinds of people. Of course, that's easier said than done, especially when gossip is almost always the go-to conversation starter. Even so, you’d rather build deeper connections than settle for surface-level interactions that never really go anywhere.
7. Subtle underminers
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In life, we all want to surround ourselves with people who motivate us. Even when we're going through a rough patch, "helpful advice" can feel less helpful and more discouraging. That's why if you think for yourself, you get frustrated by the subtle underminer. No matter what you do, it can start to feel like you're always being met with negativity. Whether it's wanting to go back to school or make a big move, the subtle underminer can leave you feeling self-conscious.
This isn't great, as lecturer Jim Taylor, Ph.D., says, "Self-consciousness can prevent people from being who they are, expressing what they are feeling, doing what they want to do, and all because they are afraid." That's why you often choose to step back from those subtle underminers. Even when the intentions seem good, their persistent negativity just isn't worth it.
8. Accountability dodgers
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Let's face it, taking accountability isn't always easy. Even though it's important, learning to be vulnerable and admitting when you're wrong takes time and effort. But no matter how challenging it can be, taking accountability is necessary, especially when it comes to keeping a friendship or relationship healthy.
So, if you actually think for yourself, you likely distance yourself from the accountability dodger. Even if you once had a strong friendship or relationship with them, you can't always be the one apologizing. It's exhausting and can truly make someone feel unfairly guilty for no reason. So, even when it's hard, independent thinkers always cut off people who refuse to take responsibility.
9. Hidden scorekeepers
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Life isn't always going to be exactly fair. While everyone does their best to keep their relationships balanced, there are bound to be times when the scales tilt. However, if you actually think for yourself, you probably distance yourself from people who try to keep score.
While you may understand their frustration, the hidden scorekeeper often keeps track of things to use them against others later. Whenever they don't get their way or start pushing boundaries, they bring up the "score", and most people are quick to fold. As licensed counselor Jamie Cannon, MS, LPC, said, "Chronic or toxic guilt can lead to anxiety, depression, and even a compromised immune system." That's why you notice it and choose to keep your distance.
10. Constant comparers
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Finally, if you actually think for yourself, you likely distance yourself from the constant comparer. While everyone compares themselves once in a while, people who do it constantly are rarely satisfied. Filled with insecurity and self-doubt, they often seek validation and end up taking their feelings out on the people around them.
Thankfully, as an independent thinker, you don't let someone's insecurities push you around or shape how you feel. Instead, you choose to distance yourself from people who constantly compare and pull your focus away from your own path.
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, and family topics.
