If A Man Holds 9 Firm Beliefs, He's Likely Not A Very Good Person
syedfahadghazanfar / ShutterstockI’ve heard it from all my friends. A good man is hard to find. But I didn’t realize how true this was until getting out of a long-term relationship.
Having tried to flirt with other men since, I’ve realized that a lot of them have some pretty annoying beliefs. Some of those beliefs frustrate me so much that I lose all interest in being with them. After all, the beliefs a person chooses to accept play a huge role in shaping their entire way of perceiving and approaching the world, so when a man sticks firmly to a certain way of thinking, it should be a huge red flag about the kind of person he is.
If a man holds these firm beliefs, there's a good chance he's not a very good person
1. He deserves more support than you do
Some men struggle to get support from their friends. Men are often told they shouldn’t be vulnerable, or else they could be perceived as weak. This can lead them to avoid sharing their emotions as a way to ensure they’re viewed positively by others.
This typically happens less with women. Many women get emotional support from their female friends. Some men, therefore, jump to the conclusion that women are less judgmental and more empathetic, and that they rely on a woman in their lives for all their emotional support.
Because they’re not getting emotional support elsewhere, they might have more emotional baggage to work through. Some men spend all their time with a trustworthy woman talking about their feelings. Sometimes, they don't even ask her how she is doing. This could be unintentional, but some men keep doing this even when they realize it’s happening. They feel like they deserve more support because they can’t get it from their friends.
2. Cheating isn't that big of a deal
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My dad has the belief that you can't actually cheat on someone unless you are married. He thinks that being in a long-term relationship isn't a strong enough commitment to require loyalty. He's lost many good girlfriends that way.
Men who don't think of cheating as that big of a deal will probably be unfaithful partners. They aren't able to see the harm their actions cause. Without that guilt, they probably won't stop themselves from giving in to the temptation.
When someone is cheated on, they're likely to lose their ability to trust their partner. This mistrust can carry over into other relationships and harm their ability to be vulnerable with future partners. Getting cheated on can also harm someone's self-esteem. They might think there is something wrong with them because their ex needed to find additional love and affection elsewhere.
3. He's incredibly attractive
Confidence can be attractive. Narcissism, on the other hand, rarely is. Some men are excessively confident in their looks and think of themselves as one of the best-looking people out there.
Narcissism can reflect other negative personality traits. Usually, it stems from insecurity. Narcissistic men push down on others to validate their own sense of attractiveness. They often project their own insecurities onto others and make them feel hurt.
People who can only support themselves by making others feel worse make for bad friends. It means they don’t care about you enough to genuinely support you. It also might mean they’re not paying enough attention to see how they’re hurting you.
4. Therapy isn't necessary
Many men need therapy. We can see proof of the male loneliness epidemic. Still, most men I know avoid therapy like the plague.
Some men do this because they think they don’t need it. They avoid working on their negative behaviors because they can’t see those qualities themselves. This shows that they’re not very self-reflective and haven’t taken the time to think through how their actions affect others.
Sometimes even the men who recognize their issues avoid therapy. This could be because they’re embarrassed or because they don’t want to talk about their feelings. This can show others that they don’t prioritize taking care of themselves and their mental health.
5. Fitness should be his number one priority
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This is the kind of belief that defines what some people call a gym rat. Just like women, men can feel a lot of pressure from society to look a certain way. They want to fit the physical appearance of a stereotypically ideal man.
While it’s not a bad thing to focus on your physical health, putting too much emphasis on it can be harmful, especially if it’s more about image than staying healthy. This can cause problems if he turns this belief back on his friends and makes those around him feel they need to focus more on their physical attributes as well, if they want to be close to him. This can make partners and friends feel insecure about themselves.
Any man who prioritizes physical appearance over making the people around him feel good is probably not a great man to be around.
6. He's morally superior to others
A few years ago, one of my female friends started going out with one of my male friends. He started to really like her, but she didn’t feel the same way. She respectfully broke it off with him and later started dating someone else.
When that happened, he started acting rudely to her and was openly critical of her actions. He told our friends that her actions were immoral and claimed he wouldn't do something like that. It made my friend feel extremely guilty, even though the only thing she did was not like him back.
Many people who are insulted by someone who thinks they are morally superior feel the same way. When people believe that they are morally superior to others, they think that their actions and beliefs are better or more valid. This shows they’re closed-minded because they’re unwilling to accept other perspectives. Even though they might think of something as moral, morality can often depend on who you are asking.
7. It's his money, not both of yours
Often in relationships, couples combine their money. If a man makes more money than his wife, she might need to rely on him for the majority of their expenses.
Some men who financially support their wives become controlling about it. They think of the money as theirs instead of something they share with their partner. Some men in this position feel comfortable creating restrictions on their partners' budgets. This can harm their wives' overall well-being. Financial restrictions like this often show up elsewhere as well. If a man pays for the family's car, he might think he gets priority over using it.
Using money to control someone else’s behavior is a major red flag. If a man agrees to a joint bank account, he should understand that he is giving up some control over his money. He should also learn to prioritize your needs as much as he prioritizes his own.
8. His friends come first
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When you start a new relationship, your priorities might have to change to accommodate it. Sometimes this happens with people's friendships. They’re spending more time with their partner, so they have less time for their friends.
While you shouldn’t give up your friends completely, you should still invest time in your relationship. Some men struggle to do this, though. They think that spending time with their friends is more important than going on a date with their partner. But new relationships require time to get to know the other person and become comfortable with them. This can ultimately harm the chances of the relationship lasting.
If a man's partner thinks he prioritizes his friends over their relationship, it can make them feel invalidated. A man who acts this way is likely not a good partner. Depending on how badly it affects you, he might not be very empathetic either.
9. Women should stay home with the kids even if they don't want to
Historically, men have been the primary providers for their families. This meant women were the ones who had to stay home and take care of the children. While this is changing, it’s still true for many relationships.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to have this dynamic. Some women do want to have that kind of life. However, it’s important to ask a woman to make sure. Some men assume that their wives should be stay-at-home mother. This often happens because they were raised that way and think it’s the best thing for a kid.
This can make some women feel defeated about their progress in their professional lives. Many women are really passionate about their careers, too. Their job might bring them a lot of happiness, and a husband who doesn’t want his wife to work can take away that joy.
If they truly feel that having a stay-at-home parent is essential when raising kids and their wife doesn’t want to give up working, they should do it themselves. It’s not fair to ask others to make compromises that you’re not willing to make yourself.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
