People Who've Stopped Expecting Anything From Anyone Have 10 Traits That Make Them Way Happier
KeyStock / ShutterstockThe expectations we place on others are difficult to balance. We don’t want to place unrealistic expectations on other people that they could never meet, but we also don’t want to allow them to get away with absolutely anything.
Some people have given up on expecting anything from the people in their lives altogether after being disappointed repeatedly. They’ve come to think they can only rely on themselves, so they stopped letting others hurt them with their inaction. It can be freeing for these people to not tie their happiness to anyone else’s actions, but they do have to develop certain traits to make that possible.
When someone doesn’t expect anything from anyone, they develop these 10 laidback traits
1. They don’t waste time complaining
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People with low or nonexistent expectations have learned that it’s best not to spend all of their time complaining. In their experience, it’s never actually proved helpful or changed how someone else behaved. Complaining feels totally pointless to them when they know they could just handle the situation on their own.
This may put them at a bit of a disadvantage. Psychotherapist Lauren Farina, LCSW, MSW, said that complaining about things that really bother you can relieve your stress as long as you don’t go so overboard that it becomes toxic. But complaining to someone who truly doesn’t care will never be effective.
2. They aren’t dependent on anyone else
Most people depend on those they’re close to on some level, but not so much that it becomes unhealthy. These folks don’t even take it that far. Whenever they’ve tried to rely on someone in the past, it’s led to severe disappointment, so they just gave up.
Being too emotionally dependent on others can make someone not understand how they should care for themselves, so it’s good to maintain that independence. By not leaning on others, they’ve learned how to best support themselves and be fully self-sufficient.
3. They make themselves constantly available
If someone had high expectations of others, they would think that those people should be willing to make time for them and adjust their schedules as necessary. A person who has abandoned expectations will do the exact opposite: make sure they’re always available, because they’ve been burned too many times by people who wouldn’t make time.
A lot of people think about being available 24/7 in the context of work because it’s hard to leave your job at the office when everything you need to communicate with colleagues is at your fingertips. A study published in Frontiers in Psychology found that doing this has detrimental effects on your mental health, so it’s really not a good idea. But if it’s the only thing that keeps the peace in a relationship, it could be worth it.
4. They never fight for what they want
Everyone has their own likes and dislikes, and people who care about you are willing to take those things into account when making plans. The kind of people who always let others down don’t really worry about what it is they want, though.
Over time, some people get used to not sticking up for themselves and mentioning these things. But it’s actually the things that someone likes that define who they are and how they view the world. Sometimes it’s better to let others take the lead when doing so would just lead to an argument, though.
5. They don’t lose their temper
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It’s normal to feel angry sometimes, but ignoring that anger isn’t helpful. Expressing anger in a healthy, appropriate way that doesn’t hurt anyone is the best way to release it. Letting your anger overcome your judgment and losing your temper completely isn’t good for you or anyone else.
People who gave up on expecting things from others have seen this firsthand. They know that lashing out at and arguing with another person, no matter how frustrating they might be, doesn’t usually get them very far. They’ve learned to keep it to themselves instead.
6. They know how to adapt quickly when necessary
Anyone who has given up on expecting things from others probably came to that conclusion the hard way. They tried to lean on others, but those people never showed up for them. This could have led to awkward, uncomfortable situations in which they were forced to cover for the other person.
They’re never going to let that happen again. Now they know they have to be adaptable, and they bounce back quickly when things don’t go as planned. People who are especially adaptable are also known for being incredibly resilient, so they understand what it takes to get through the hard times.
7. They go with the flow without trying to change it
Some people would argue that going with the flow isn’t a good thing because it means never questioning others and following their lead. That’s not totally accurate, though. Experts think about going with the flow as a part of psychological flexibility, or how well someone can accept different perspectives.
Challenging the status quo is often celebrated, but the people who have been there and done that know it’s not always a good idea. When they expected things from other people, they assumed their thoughts would be welcome. Instead, it turned into a fight that they knew wasn’t worth having.
8. They accept any last-minute changes to plans
If someone is doing their best not to depend on anyone else, they understand that the unreliable people they’re surrounded by change their plans all the time. They could make a big deal out of it, but they’ve found that it’s easier to just accept it as a part of life instead.
Plans aren’t a bad thing, but they can get in the way of living in the moment when they aren’t flexible. Some people need to be flexible to accommodate people who constantly change their minds, which isn’t very fair but is a lot easier.
9. They never ask for help
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A lot of people have a hard time asking for help, even when they aren’t dealing with toxic people they can’t count on, because they worry that they’re making the other person’s life harder. In ideal situations with people who really care, there’s a good chance they'd be happy to help if asked.
Some people have never had that experience, though. They’ve asked for the simplest favors before and been treated like they’re being completely unreasonable, so they just stopped asking. They’re better off without trying to get people who can’t be trusted to help them anyway.
10. They don’t admit it when something bothers them
Trying to avoid your pain or problems, or even trying to stop an argument from happening, is really just human nature. This is why some people insist they’re fine when they’re obviously not, and why they refuse to open up about what they’re really going through.
The group of people who have stopped counting on others has a different motive, though. They never admit to feeling upset because they know it’s pointless. The difficult people in their lives don’t actually care about the truth, and sharing it won’t make them feel they should change. They’d rather just keep it to themselves.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer with a bachelor’s degree in English and Journalism who covers news, psychology, lifestyle, and human interest topics.
