Women Who Blame Everyone Else For Their Problems Usually Say 4 Things In Casual Conversation
urbazo | CanvaWhat's the number one thing men are craving when it comes to relationships with women? Someone who is confident enough to not blame other people for her problems.
A woman who (despite her beauty, good humor, kindness, and attractiveness) needs excessive reassurance is someone who quickly becomes an albatross. A woman who loves herself so deeply never depends on validation from her partner to make her feel lovable.
People who blame everyone else for all their problems usually do these things in casual conversation:
1. They ask paranoid-sounding questions
For example: "Does this make me look fat?" or "Why did you do/say)that?" or "Do you still love me?" Men joke that these questions, which are commonly asked by women in relationships, are among the most annoying questions a woman can ask.
They call them a complete turn-off and lament over the fact that there are no answers to these questions that a woman finds acceptable. Stop asking. If their clothes are too tight, they know it. And unless the few pounds have turned into twenty, men all agree that they can't tell if the cookies they ate last night made them, feel bloated.
Last, don't ask a man if he loves you. Words and actions must match. If a man has told them he loves them but begins to pull away, there's a better way to check in on his feelings toward them. Asking why he did or said something makes him feel defensive and childlike. She's not his mom, she's his lover.
2. They ask for things they're already receiving
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Often, these women say things to their partner like "just hold me", even though they often receive affection, cuddles, and/or attention. Sure, they may want more, but when they say that it's all they want, and they're already getting that, it seems like an impossible goal for a man to meet.
Mat Boggs describes it perfectly when he states that men need short, attainable goals to feel successful. Men want to please women, so they need to feel like they're a Knight in Shining Armor to keep on keepin' on.
That said, when he does his best to give his partner attention, holds on to them while they watch Entourage or Monday Night Football, or reads his book nearby while they give themself a manicure, let him go away when he needs his space. If they're constantly criticizing him and telling him it's "not enough," he'll want to hide long-term. Research from The Gottman Institute states that criticism is a relationship killer.
Instead, settle into the time they have together, be present at the moment, and encourage him to go play Playstation or watch videos on YouTube when they're done with their nails, the show is finished, or it's halftime.
3. They're jealous of their ex's past
They're jealous when they see old pictures of their partner with other women, or in other situations they absolutely cannot control.
The truth is a man had an entire life before they met their partner. It included ex-lovers, ex-girlfriends, and an array of females who are still his friends. A person who's threatened by these relationships, past and present, is at risk of turning off the man with whom they love.
Their man left those relationships for a reason, and if he consistently shows he loves his partner then they have no reason to fear the past. His friends, male and female, are simply not threats.
4. They find and share overly dramatic, clingy-sounding songs
They relate to songs like, "My Life Would Suck Without You" or "No Air" and "Lost Without Your Love", songs that feel overly emotional. Yes, people get emotional but if she says something like, "This reminds me of us" and it's intense and needy-sounding, it will probably confuse him in a way that is a big turn-off.
When someone loves themselves and has created an amazing life that's interdependent with their partner’s life, they don't think their life would suck without him. While they'd be appropriately heartbroken to lose an important relationship, they know in their heart that "they will survive," and that even without him, their life is truly awesome.
They can then breathe when he's no longer their boyfriend, and they won't be lost without his love. When someone has a deep sense of self, confidence, a community of friends, a profession they find fulfilling, and self-love, their life never sucks. Ever. Having high self-esteem can even lead to lower stress levels and higher levels of happiness.
Marni Battista is a Los Angeles-based certified life coach, the founder of Dating with Dignity and The Institute for Living Courageously, and the author of dating advice for women.
