Women Who Casually Undermine Their Husbands Usually Say 7 Phrases In Casual Conversation, Experts Say
alexander suhorucov | PexelsEvery marriage, even the best ones, have their daily stressors, and times arise when wives might reach their limit and throw out a hurtful phrase or comment in a bad moment without realizing it will only undermine their husbands and cause relationship damage moving forward.
Women who casually undermine their husbands casually say these things:
1. 'Everything is fine'
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Saying 'everything is fine,' when everything is not fine at all ultimately undermines our partners. Wives need to stop hiding their true feelings. A study from the American Psychological Association shows how suppressing your feelings increases resentment and interferes with the connection that is necessary to sustain a relationship for the long term.
— Jennifer S Hargrave, Managing Partner, Hargrave Family Law
2. 'This keeps happening'
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You undermine yourself and your marriage when you remind your spouse of something they did wrong in the past that has already been resolved, as if it is going to happen in the future.
— Larry Michel, Founder of the Institute of Genetic Energetics
3. 'You don't satisfy me'
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Any phrase that undermines your partner's intimate performance, whether it's to criticize their body or their prowess in bed. Few things hurt men more than feeling they can't satisfy their partner. Hearing it from their wives can be demoralizing. Not only does it harm their self-esteem, but it can make them withdraw from you intimately and cause anxiety.
— Dr Gloria Brame, Ph.D., Therapist
4. 'You're overthinking'
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This casually undermining phrase is often used to minimize someone's feelings and concerns. The phrase suggests repetitive, unproductive thought patterns but is often unhelpful when it comes to actually helping a partner who's stuck in a rumination cycle.
— Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford, Psychologist
5. 'Why aren't you more like so-and-so?'
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It’s easy (but ultimately undermining) to compare your relationship to others. Do you have as much money as another couple? What is their house like? Do their kids go to private schools? The list goes on. When you compare your relationship to others, you will always feel disappointed/ The truth is everyone is at a different spot in life. It’s also true that everyone didn’t start at the same spot.
— Lianne Avila, Counselor/Therapist
6. 'Oh no you don't'
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Intolerance or excessive rigidity will get in the way and is ultimately undermining behavior because you've developed a way to keep yourself safe. You may become so rigid in certain beliefs that you make connecting with your partner difficult. You immediately shut down the conversation whenever your partner tries to raise a different opinion.
— Roland Legge,Life Coach
7. 'You did it again?'
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We gravitate toward and dwell on the one thing that did not go well rather than the five that did go well. It’s too common for this negativity to consume our relationships and distort our thinking. In committed relationships especially, compliments dwindle, and tones get harsher, and we end up undermining our partners. We become less forgiving and loving and more critical and shaming.
The charming blemishes we may have embraced early on transform into glaring character flaws. We now know something about the origins of this sensitivity to the negative: Research on survival, anxiety, and fear supports how any negative message — words, tone, facial expression — triggers our survival drive, and that triggers our anxiety. When we're scared, we automatically protect ourselves by withdrawing from the scene or countering with a putdown. And that makes everything worse. Because of this, it is difficult to see beyond our partner's wrongdoing.
— Harville Hendrix & Helen LaKelly Hunt, Co-Creators of Imago Relationship Therapy
It is easy to get caught in the stress of daily life in marriage and toss out a phrase that unintentionally undermines our husband. However, being aware of these hurtful phrases that can harm your spouse is a major step to ensure you don't undermine your efforts for a healthy marriage in the future.
Will Curtis is YourTango's expert editor. Will has over 14 years of experience as an editor covering relationships, spirituality, and human interest topics.
