6 Old-Fashioned Traits Men Loved In Women 100 Years Ago That Still Drive Them Wild Today
George Marks | CanvaHumans are, by nature, egocentric, so it is natural for women in relationships to focus on what they need and be expressive about when and where those needs are not being met. Communicating your needs can be an effective relationship practice when presented in a positive and proactive way. The reality is that both men and women have needs. Men are human beings and need to feel loved just as much as women do.
When women need to express their emotions, they talk, often to their girlfriends. Men, on the other hand, rarely have that luxury. Men rarely pull up a stool at the pub and say, ‘Yeah, dude, I feel kind of scared that my company is losing money, or‘ I feel excited about my weekend getaway; I think she is the one.’ But relationship success really comes down to one key thing: Your ability to recognize, appreciate, and meet the needs of your partner.
I don't pretend to know everything about men, but I believe from my own experience and in working with many male clients that these old-fashioned traits are just as important as they were one-hundred years ago.
Old-fashioned traits men loved in women years ago that still drive them wild today:
1. Ability to give space
Men need time alone to process information and feelings. When women provide this space, it allows the man to step forward. Women naturally want to decrease space to create connection, which often makes men feel suffocated and overwhelmed. Men need to communicate that having this space makes them a better partner.
I have heard many women complain about being ‘golf widows.' That's fair, but if she knows that golf feeds your souls, makes you a better partner, and increases your quality of time together, you'll likely get more time to play and meet your need for space. Make sure you tell her you cannot wait to see her after your round, do more than your share of chores and childcare, and her need for connection will also be satisfied.
2. Affection
Although men have been programmed to appear strong and be providers, they are still human and, at their core, need affection. It’s not natural for boys to go from being cared for by their mothers to not needing any affection at all.
Let her know you like to be touched, kissed, or that when she rubs your shoulders after a rough day, you feel loved. Under that confident, strong, and manly exterior is still the heart of a boy that needs to feel loved — and that's a really good thing.
3. Respect
Natalia Blauth / Unsplash+
Men work hard. So do women. The desire for a man to excel and contribute is a natural part of their DNA. In order to achieve a sustainable loving relationship with a woman, it is critical that she respects him, and in turn, he respects her.
Clearly, demanding respect is never an effective way to get it; however, acting with integrity, sharing values, building trust, and demonstrating respect for her is a great way to garner respect — and remember: it always goes both ways.
4. Understanding
Men are different than women. Period. I think we all know that by now. But do we really get that? Women complain about how much men work but fail to understand that often a man is fulfilling his life’s purpose through his work or providing for his family, which is often his way of showing love.
It's easier for women to understand this need when you can communicate how important your work is, not only to you as a confident, contributing member of society, but as a part of the partnership and the future you are building together. If she understands the meaning of your work, she will naturally be more understanding.
5. Connection with their kids
Women have traditionally been the primary caregivers of children, and for the most part, still carry a lot of the weight when caring for children. However, what often happens is women brush off men’s attempts to help because they feel they can do it better.
Don’t allow her to ‘sit you on the bench” when it comes to the kids. Let her know she deserves some time alone or time with her friends because she works so hard, and create a space for you to connect with the kids. It's a team — and you're a critical half.
6. Value
Men, by nature, are problem solvers. Women like to share, to talk things through, and to feel heard. If you can shift your understanding to know that by simply being present and actively listening to your partner, you are adding value, then you will be miles ahead of most men.
Value does not always come in the form of action or solution. After you have listened and heard, you can say, “Babe, that is really frustrating. I thought of something that might help you. Are you interested, or do you just need an ear right now?” Now that is adding golden value.
You have a lot of power to create freedom and happiness in your relationship. The key is to understand that having needs does not make you needy; they make you human. The most effective way to achieve relationship success is for you to start sharing them with your partner. Just imagine how good things will get when your needs are being met.
Diane Taylor is a coach, speaker, facilitator, writer, and former contributor to The Good Men Project.
