Men With 11 Defining Characteristics Have A Ridiculously Unfair Advantage With Women
Roman Samborskyi | Shutterstock Women these days don't need a man to feel good about themselves or to find security in life, but men with a few defining characteristics still have an unfair advantage with women. Why? Because these are traits that show a man's innate goodness and strength, not just his ability to provide.
The characteristics in the list below help make a man a great partner. They reveal what women say they want, including the number one trait researchers at The Gottman Institute say is most important to women. These are also traits bad guys can't fake. That's why insincere guys simply cannot compete.
Men with 11 defining characteristics have a ridiculously unfair advantage with women
1. Emotional maturity
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You can quickly determine a guy’s emotional maturity by observing how he reacts to situations and how he treats the people around him. These things are important to note, because men who have the defining trait of emotional maturity are so far beyond other men when it comes to being great partners.
For example, when out at a restaurant, when the server takes a bit longer than you'd hope to get to your table, how does he react? Does he take it in stride, or does he lose his temper? Does he shout at the server when an order gets mixed up, or does he wait patiently and respond with kindness? The guys who do this so often end up losing women to the men who are emotionally mature, it's almost an unfair advantage.
According to psychologist Nick Wignall, emotional immaturity is also "a recipe for insecurity, low confidence, poor relationships, and chronic stress."
Even if he's on his best behavior, it's hard for anyone to hide long-standing habits. Watch him keenly enough and you will be able to determine whether you are on the right path and if he's a genuinely good man.
2. Purpose
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Everyone needs a purpose, and men with that defining characteristic will pretty much always have an unfair advantage with women. His romantic relationship cannot, generally, be his purpose. It can help fuel his drive to provide for his family, but it is not the sole source of this purpose.
That may be hard for women to hear, but it’s true. A man usually finds his purpose in his work and how he contributes to the world around him. Look for his purpose early in the relationship in how he speaks about his career. Is he passionate about what he does? Does he have goals? Is he excited about going to work?
This doesn’t mean that he has to be an entrepreneur or six-figure man. You can work a 9-5 and still be passionate about what you do and the difference you are making for others. A man who has a purpose all his own is a man who can be part of a happy relationship, and women know that.
3. He has great friends
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One can learn so much about a man's defining characteristics from the quality of his friendships and the men he spends time with. Are his friends mature? Do they share your values and also show the qualities of being good men? Does he maintain friendships over the years? Is he able to be "friends only" with women, even if only in a professional way?
When it comes to women, men that have an unfair advantage over other men have strong friendships with good men. It's as simple as that.
Women often consider a man's problematic friends as a red flag. Sure, everyone has that one weird friend who hasn't quite found his path and it's nice when a quality man stands by his messy but harmless friend. But when a guy is surrounded by guys who are bigots, haters or blathering drunks, he's simply not ready for a real, respectful relationship.
In addition, men who have life-long platonic friendships with women can be a total green flag. As journalist Vicki Larson wrote for Berkeley's Greater Good, of course men and women can be friends, as long as they have the maturity to manage potential attraction. And men who are great at friendship understand that.
4. Emotional availability
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Many men remain emotionally unavailable because they overlap their relationships. "Single" does not always mean available, especially when a man hasn't done the emotional work to get over a heartbreak.
Women who pay attention notice if he's holding a torch for his ex, or if he's so consumed with work that he has no room for someone else. If either is true, he will eventually hurt her, because he's not ready for a long-term relationship and isn't boyfriend material. That's why emotionally available men have such an advantage when it comes to women.
Women want to find an emotionally available man, as this indicates he can be open, honest, and trustworthy with himself and his romantic partner. And those are essential to make a relationship work long-term.
5. Directness
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Many guys think that if they approach dating with a flippant attitude, as if they don't care at all, women will suddenly fall in love with them. But a relationship with a man who plays games will only end in tears, and most women know this. Men with the characteristics of honesty and directness read as confident and trustworthy. That's because they are.
A quality man should be able to look straight into a woman's eyes and express himself. He will be honest with his feelings and won't mess around. Guys that are able to do that have an unfair advantage with women because they feel safe. Studies show that good communication is at the heart of healthy relationships, and it's something almost every woman puts on her "wish list" for a future partner.
6. Kindness
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Men who are ready for healthy relationships tend to be past a few different phases of their lives already. Most notably, their "negging" or egotistical phase that makes them low-key mean.
Kindness comes after this. It demonstrates that his life isn’t all about him, which is especially important when it comes to settling down and maybe even starting a family. Men with this defining characteristic have an advantage with women for this simple reason: they make people feel good in honest, trustworthy ways.
Of all the qualities in a man that indicate he's a good person, women consider a man who is kind to be the most attractive.
7. Honesty
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No human always does the right thing, or even know what the right thing is. But as long as a man is being honest about it and willing to apologize when he's made the wrong choice, he's honest enough to be the kind of man who has an advantage with women.
If he's hiding something, it can ruin trust and have a negative impact on his life and the people around him, and most women instinctively know this. Even more importantly, women report wanting men to feel strong enough to apologize more, and more earnestly. The ability to apologize essential characteristic of a good man, and women will choose an honest man who knows how to say "sorry" over others almost all the time.
8. Integrity
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There are few higher compliments one can give a guy than to call him a man of integrity. That's because this trait is rare and powerful.
Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles. In practice, a man who has integrity is a man of his word. He keeps his promises and shows you his intention through his actions. He doesn’t just talk the talk, he walks the walk.
You can trust a man with integrity to follow through and show up in your relationship in a positive way. His moral compass rules his choices and he will always choose to do the right thing in his life. That's why this defining characteristic gives him perhaps the greatest advantage with women. Almost no other man can compare.
9. Commitment
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When most women hear commitment, they are thinking about a committed and monogamous relationship. That is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to commitment, though. Men with the defining characteristic of being able to truly commit have a wildly unfair advantage with women, and it's obvious why.
Commitment fuels integrity and purpose. You must be committed to growing, learning, and having the tools in place to live in your purpose. If you are not committed to living your purpose or to having integrity, you can’t possibly be committed in your romantic relationships.
Many men will say they are ready to commit, but their actions in non-relationship areas don't show that. They jump from job-to-job, they have few long-term friendships, and more. It's no surprise then, that once they are in a relationship, they don't know how to make a true commitment, or even what that means.
10. Perserverence
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Perseverance is a key defining characteristic women look for in a man because life isn’t always kind. Everyone wants to know that when things get real, their partner can persevere.
Women wonder, how does he deal with adversity and challenges in his life? When he’s knocked down, does he get back up? Does he recommit to his purpose when he fails?
Or does he let the bad times and his fears knock him down for good? Perseverance is what will keep him going and recommitting to and working on your relationship through the hard times, and that's why these kind of men have an unfair advantage with women.
11. A sense of humor
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It's been proven that women find funny men more attractive. But it turns out that humor isn't just an indicator of attractiveness, but also the quality of a man.
A study from Ball State showed that 81% of women consider a sense of humor the most important trait in a romantic partner. And that makes sense, considering that someone with a sense of humor likely has higher self-esteem, a more positive outlook on life, and intelligence.
Western culture has evolved in ways that have made finding a high-quality man — that is, one who possesses not only basic human traits like good manners, empathy, and respect — tough. As explained by columnist Margaret Wente in The Globe and Mail:
"In a nutshell, over the past few decades, the traditional relationship exchange has broken down... Liberation is a fabulous thing in some ways. But it can also turn men into louts because women don't expect much in return for access... [So a] lot of women seem to have their act together these days. But a lot of men don't."
But just because our culture has changed, that doesn’t mean women aren't looking for men with strong defining characteristics. Humor continues to remain at or near the top of women's lists of desirable traits because life should be joyful and humor helps us manage life's unpredictable elements and inevitable hard times.
Randy Skilton is a relationship coach with an Advanced Diploma in Social Science. His work has appeared on Psych Central, Lifehack, and Marriage.com where he educates others on enhancing the quality of their relationships.
