If Someone Had An Exceptionally Difficult Mom, They Likely Have 6 Tough Traits As An Adult
Dodokat | ShutterstockThe relationship we have with our mother can have a huge impact on who we become and how we act. Moms are our first example of what being an adult looks like. And for kids who have healthy relationships with their mom, they're more emotionally resilient and feel confident.
Unfortunately, people raised by a difficult mom struggle as they turn into adults, often developing tough traits as a result. They didn't learn all the positive lessons a mom teaches, so they pick up on bad behaviors and habits instead.
Someone with a difficult mom likely has these tough traits as an adult
1. Hyper-independence
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A kid who learns that they can't rely on their mom is forced to rely on themselves. They're parentified from a young age, having to take on responsibilities that should only affect a much older person. As a result, they become hyper-independent adults.
Even if an independent person wants to make connections, they might struggle to do so because they aren't used to accommodating others. They're hard to make plans with because they're used to a certain routine and have trouble fitting others into their schedule.
Without practicing flexibility, people can become stuck in their ways. But we need friends and companionship because we crave social interaction. Without it, people become lonely and feel isolated.
2. A lack of empathy
Some mothers don't give their child enough love while they're growing up. Since empathy is a learned skill, it affects a child when they become an adult. Without receiving any empathy or compassion from their mother, they likely won't learn the proper way to express care to others or themselves.
They don't understand the impact of supporting their loved ones because they've never experienced it. Even if they do feel bad for someone, they can't verbalize it. They likely don't have the words to express how they feel.
Growing up with a difficult mom means they may also feel uncomfortable being empathetic or receiving it. It isn't something they're accustomed to, so they feel out of place.
3. A lack of accountability
Some difficult mothers can make their children difficult, too. Kids understand that their bad behavior comes from their parents, and it stops them from realizing and changing their own behavior.
Being raised by a difficult mother may cause a person to pass blame, as they can't accept responsibility for themselves. As a child, they watched their mom avoid accountability, so it's a normal behavior to them as adults. They have an all-encompassing sense of entitlement that they learned.
4. Constant suspicion
Difficult mothers might show their child what good behavior looks like, but children may receive mixed signals, too. Maybe they put their trust in their mom only to feel betrayed. Because of that, they question everything and are suspicious of others around them.
Feeling this way towards others makes them feel judged and criticized. It makes it hard to form deep connections because they're always wondering if that relationship is real or fake. They also feel like they can't be their true selves, focused too much on being perceived a certain way.
5. Poor conflict-resolution skills
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Children raised in high-conflict environments tend to have issues not only handling problems as an adult, but forming healthy relationships with others. Maybe their mom started arguments every time they disagreed, or were always hostile no matter the interaction. They became kids who walked on eggshells to adults who can't solve their own problems.
When a child feels like fighting is inevitable, they either engage in conflict more than is necessary or avoid conflict altogether. The people in their lives always expect an explosion of emotion and anger, and for them, expressing their frustrations seems to just lead to more problems.
6. Poor coping skills
When dealing with difficult individuals or emotions, most people learn how to cope with them from an early age. But when someone has a difficult mom, they're unable to move past negative experiences.
Rather than learning resilience from their mom in childhood, they were never taught how to regulate their emotions and tackle problems head-on. They push their emotions down and embrace the numbness, choosing to ignore how they feel deep down.
They get defensive or become sarcastic to deflect their negative emotions. They struggle to talk about serious and upsetting things. After all, people deflect through humor, so it doesn't look like they care as much as they do.
Lily Bell is a college student studying English and Publications who covers relationships, mental health, and personal narratives surrounding the human experience.
