People Who Know How To Comfort Their Inner Child Usually Say 11 Healing Phrases To Feel Better
Joao Paulo De Souza Olivera | UnsplashFor people who had a particularly difficult upbringing, acknowledging their inner child is an essential step toward healing and personal growth. When we experience pain or emotional invalidation as children, those experiences don't just disappear with age; rather, they often linger quietly in the background, and unless we take the time to tend to these emotional wounds, they will continue to impact our lives in ways we may not even realize.
People who know how to comfort their inner child usually say these things:
1. 'You're safe now'
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Your childhood may have been filled with chaos and uncertainty, making it hard to feel safe. Safety is more than just having a roof over your head and keeping your doors locked at night; it is having a space to openly express your feelings and having those emotions validated.
Safety is essential to our overall development, with research from the Thomas B. Fordham Institute indicating that we learn best when we feel safe in our environments. If you weren't given the safe space you deserved as a child, acknowledge that you are in a better place now, and you will not have to experience the same fears as an adult who can provide for yourself.
2. 'You didn't deserve what happened to you'
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"You didn't deserve what happened to you" is one of the comforting phrases to say out loud to your inner child to start feeling better. It offers people something they may never have had as children: validation and compassion.
Many people who experienced emotional neglect and trauma as kids were blamed for it and were expected to move on from it as they came of age. But this may have led them to believe they deserved what happened to them. If you were one of these children, it is time to start acknowledging the truth: you did not deserve what happened to you, and you are not to blame for someone else's failures that deeply hurt you.
3. 'I believe you'
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If you grew up feeling unheard, you may carry that into adulthood by invalidating yourself. But as an adult, you owe it to your inner child to be the person who finally listens. Children are incredibly perceptive, but when they express fear, pain, confusion, or sadness and are told, "That never happened" or "I don't believe you," they start to doubt their own reality.
Saying "I believe you" to your inner child helps undo that damage by affirming that what you felt was real and that what happened to you matters. This can help you heal and feel comforted, since you are giving yourself the validation you never had growing up.
4. 'I'm so proud of you'
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This phrase gives voice to something that you may have longed to hear from your parents growing up. For some, it's more than a compliment; it is an acknowledgment of your accomplishments and everything you have overcome.
As a child, you may have been outdoing yourself, constantly chasing approval that never came. But you don't need external validation to feel pride in what you've done. Telling yourself, "I'm so proud of you," gives you the validation you deserve, and you owe it to yourself to reflect on your strength and courage, even when no one else seemed to notice.
5. 'You're not a burden'
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Some people grew up believing that even their presence was "too much." They may have felt as if their sheer existence was nothing but a burden on others. "There can be a number of basic scenarios that result in a child being caught in a chronic state of outsiderness," explained clinical psychologist Ditta M. Oliker, PhD. "Regardless of the specifics of any given environment, the experiences of not belonging in childhood have enormous power to affect the quality of life of the adult."
Reminding yourself that you are not a burden comforts your inner child by rewriting the narrative of the constant guilt you felt growing up and gives your younger self permission to exist without feeling like a burden.
6. 'It wasn't your fault'
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This phrase speaks directly to one of the most damaging false beliefs some people may carry with them into adulthood: the belief that they were somehow to blame for the pain or trauma they experienced.
"Young children who've experienced trauma tend to internalize much of their pain, blaming themselves for their suffering and struggling with feelings of guilt and shame," clinical psychologist Lisa Firestone, PhD, revealed. "This is especially true of trauma experienced at the hands of parents and trusted family members, as young children often find it too threatening to see the faults of their parents fully."
7. 'You did the best you could'
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If you grew up in an environment where your accomplishments were constantly downplayed and you were expected to meet impossibly high expectations, the idea that you weren't good enough was likely seared into your mind. But when you start to remind yourself that you did the best you could, you acknowledge the truth of your efforts in a way that may finally silence the inner criticism and shame.
When you grow up being told that you could have handled things better, been stronger, or acted differently, you often grapple with a lingering sense of failure. Telling yourself that you did your very best given your environment and your circumstances gives your inner child the grace they always deserved.
8. 'You've come so far'
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A significant part of healing is acknowledging the place where you started, what you overcame, and where you are now. As a child, you likely believed you'd never be able to conquer certain things. Now, as an adult, you can recount that journey and give yourself credit for everything you did to get there.
"Your ability to congratulate yourself and celebrate your progress, as well as deal with missteps, mistakes, and failures, is another way to gauge how far you've come," Peg Streep, an expert on overcoming childhood trauma, shared. "Having self-compassion, especially when you screw up, is a very important marker, although it is usually slow in coming. That old default position of beating yourself up mentally and emotionally takes real time to dismantle."
9. 'You don't have to be perfect to be loved'
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It is humanly impossible for anyone to be perfect. However, you may have grown up in an environment where perfectionism was the only thing worthy of your parents', teachers', and other trusted adults' love, and you believed you were unworthy of it if you fell below the standard of perfection.
This phrase speaks directly to one of the deepest emotional wounds you may carry: the belief that love must be earned through performance. However, your inner child needs to know that love isn't something you have to earn, especially from your parents. You were always lovable, even in your mistakes and struggles. You don't have to prove yourself to have something that should already be given.
10. 'It's okay to be sad'
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If you were someone who grew up with the idea that you had to suppress your pain to survive, telling your inner child that it is okay to be sad helps process old feelings that were never acknowledged. This helps you recognize and release them so you can truly begin to heal.
Acknowledging sadness can be just as detrimental for parents as it is for their kids. A study from Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment shows that when parents stop invalidating their kids' negative emotions and talk it through instead, aggressive behaviors are significantly reduced.
11. 'You matter'
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Even though this phrase may appear simple, it is one of the most powerful reminders we can give our inner child. For people who grew up feeling unimportant, this simple truth can feel like a lifeline.
You may have lived in an environment where your thoughts were dismissed, making you feel as if your presence mattered little. However, telling yourself that you matter rewrites this narrative by enforcing the idea that you were never invisible, even if others made you feel that way. This phrase can be the beginning of the start of building a more loving and supportive relationship with yourself as an adult.
Megan Quinn is a staff writer with a bachelor's degree in English and a minor in Creative Writing. She covers news and lifestyle topics that focus on justice in the workplace, personal relationships, parenting debates, and the human experience.
