Highly Intelligent People Were Almost All Told 11 Specific Things When They Were Kids
Monkey Business Images | ShutterstockRaising emotionally intelligent children starts with modeling the kind of behavior you'd hope for them to have, whether that's being empathetic with strangers or simply expressing vulnerability with a partner. In many ways, the same is true for raising high-IQ kids. Parents who lead with curiosity and are relatively open-minded about being lifelong learners tend to also raise smart kids.
That's why highly intelligent people were almost all told specific things when they were kids, like "it's okay to think about it" or "Why does that make sense?" They were prompted to practice the kinds of curiosity and deeper thinking that the average kid easily overlooks in favor of comfort and convenience.
Highly intelligent people were almost all told 11 specific things when they were kids
1. 'What does that mean?'
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Whether it was investigating a line from a book they read together or diving deeper into issues that seem easy on the surface, parents who raise intelligent kids start by prompting them to question things. They innately infuse them with curiosity to go one step further and to ask thoughtful questions that allow them to not only notice, but also understand, the world around them a little bit better.
That's why the most intelligent people often pause before answering a question and engage in more internal reflection, as an Intelligence study explains, because they're going a step deeper than the average person and asking themselves the same questions their parents did as kids.
2. 'Let's do it together'
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Part of being a highly intelligent person is learning to collaborate with others, just as much as it is learning to solve problems independently. Instead of fostering hyper-independent thinking and entitlement in their kids, parents who use phrases like "let's do it together" teach their kids to both collaborate with and appreciate the perspectives of others.
They're eager to learn, not just in books and classrooms, but from the people around them, according to life coach Kathryn Brown Ramsperger, so they appreciate open discussions and questions that allow other people to contribute.
3. 'Think about it'
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Instead of raising kids reliant on other people to solve issues for them, parents of high-IQ kids teach them to use their own minds. They teach them to think freely and practice critical-thinking skills early in life, even if it requires more patience and time to make space for.
That's why the most intelligent, cognitively secure people today don't fall victim to misleading headlines or conspiracy theories, because they don't accept everything they read or hear. They create opinions for themselves and dive deeper into subjects they don't understand, instead of avoiding the challenges of learning and thinking critically.
4. 'Let's read a book'
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According to a study from Developmental Science, kids of parents who read to or with them regularly often grow up with better vocabularies, reading comprehension skills, empathy, and general cognitive skills. It's a daily habit and practice that many parents take for granted, especially when modeling the behavior of reading feels impossible for them to personally adopt.
So, if you're a highly intelligent adult, chances are you remember always being urged to pick up a book by your parents, and while you might have hated it in favor of your phone or TV screen as a kid, you're better off today because of the habit.
5. 'You're allowed to make mistakes'
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The most curious, intelligent people in the world have to be comfortable making mistakes. They'd never feel comfortable throwing themselves into a situation they'd never done before, trying new things, or learning if they weren't. They may not even be able to admit they need help if they're afraid of admitting they don't know something or made a mistake.
However, the most intelligent kids were taught the power of making mistakes early in their lives. Not only were they taught the power of redirection through rejection, but they also learned that mistakes were a chance to learn something, rather than a sign of weakness. As adults, they often learn life lessons more quickly and bond over asking for help more often, because they're not afraid to say "I don't know," especially if it means they get to learn something new or adopt a new skill.
6. 'Talk through it'
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While it's probably an experience kids despised growing up, to hear "talk through it" at the table doing homework with their parents, self-talk is actually inherently tied to higher cognitive function and intelligence, at least according to a 2017 study.
We're more attentive, motivated, and better problem-solvers when we talk to ourselves, especially when faced with a complex issue. So, whether it was a habit you were urged into by parents or something you picked up from intelligent parents' modeled behavior at home, this odd habit may actually be a sign of higher intelligence.
7. 'Slow down'
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Intelligent people often think before they act and respond thoughtfully by carving out space to reflect. However, this behavior might have stemmed from their childhood, where parents offered them a safe space to think and slow down without pressure to defend or prove themselves.
Even if it's just slowing down our thought process and reflection tendencies by writing things down, parents who raised the most intelligent kids urged them to take a minute and pause before speaking. They were intentional with their own words and problem-solving skills, but they also used phrases like "slow down" to encourage their kids to make sense of things internally before reacting.
8. 'There's no right answer'
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Instead of feeding into the belief that there's a "black" and "white" answer for everything, and that kids have to be "right" instead of thoughtful in conversations, parents who raised highly intelligent kids instead took an opposite approach. They encouraged kids to form their own opinions, but they also had hard conversations and debates that allowed them to change their minds.
Of course, changing your mind encourages people to perceive you as more intelligent, but on a personal level, having the curiosity and self-assuredness to have conversations with different opinions is just as much of a sign of intelligence.
9. 'Ask good questions'
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Even when they're sending their kids to try something new or get out of their comfort zone, great parents raising smart kids remind them to always ask good questions. Curiosity is the driving force behind learning and growing for anyone, but making space for this kind of intellectual curiosity starts with asking the right questions.
So, even when they were at home growing up, intelligent people learned to get to the root of problems and learn new things by asking the right questions with their parents. They practiced having these conversations and talking about complex topics in a thoughtful way, rather than "saving" those discussions for adults.
10. 'We can talk about it'
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Whether it's complex worldly issues or conversations a child overheard at school, parents raising the most intelligent kids make space for the hard decisions at home. As family therapist Mary Kay Cocharo explains, intelligent kids almost always grow up in homes where complex, nuanced communication happens regularly.
They enter adulthood with a stronger sense of self-assuredness and security in social situations, to learn new things and connect with people, because they practiced these kinds of hard conversations at home. Their parents didn't create filters and buffers for content they thought was too "hard" or "serious" to discuss, but let their kids find their way and practice critical thinking often.
11. 'Let me help you'
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Instead of solving all their problems for them or praising kids for doing the bare minimum, parents raising truly intelligent kids instead empower them to lean into challenges with collaboration. Instead of "I'll just do it," they say, "let me help you."
They balance nurturing, caregiving energy with a sense of empowerment that intelligent people need to craft their cognitive and emotional skills later in life. Not only do they grow up to feel more secure in their cognitive powers, like thinking critically about complex problems, but they know how to interact with other people in healthy ways, even when the situation or problem at hand is stressful and complex.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
