Kids Raised By Emotionally Inconsiderate Parents Usually Carry 6 Habits Into Adulthood
pixelshot via CanvaChildren raised in homes where their parents don't care what they have to say or what they think often develop unhealthy habits as adults.
It's so essential to a child's upbringing to let them express themselves. But when kids aren't given the positive attention and praise they need to thrive, it affects them as they grow up.
Habits kids carry into adulthood when they're raised by emotionally inconsiderate parents
1. They hide their emotions
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Because their parents never heard what they had to say, it became a normal invalidating experience as kids. People who grew up in a home with inconsiderate parents were accustomed to never sharing their emotions.
As adults, hiding their feelings is safe because they never properly learned how to regulate their emotions. Perhaps their parents were authoritarian and gave no affection.
"Children in these environments may grow up feeling that their opinions and emotions don't matter. Consequently, their self-esteem will dwindle, and they may notice difficulties in asserting themselves later in life," psychologist Mark Travers explained.
When a child's emotional wants and needs are discarded by the people meant to care for them, they protect themselves by shielding their true feelings as adults.
2. They're stubbornly independent
Having a childhood where their parents were inconsiderate of them, these children grow into adults who are hyper-independent. Unfortunately, hyper-independence is a trauma response.
When a child goes their entire upbringing not being able to rely on their parents for support or affection, they eventually come to understand that they're the only ones they can count on. As adults, their early childhood parentification makes them unwilling to give up any control.
3. They're unsure of themselves
Because their parents ignored their needs and feelings when they were kids, people like this have a hard time understanding and processing their emotions. They might even think of their feelings as wrong because they were never allowed to express them in a safe space.
They're completely unsure of themselves and who they are, and they tend to have low self-esteem. And as mental health coach Darius Cikanavicius pointed out, "In order for a child to develop a healthy and accurate self-esteem, they need mirroring, attunement, and validation from the caregiver. If the child doesn't get enough of it, their ability to self-assess is stunted or even damaged."
4. They don't easily trust
Trust is a vital part of shaping our emotional safety and relationships with others. When there's a low level of trust, the ability to form meaningful connections is threatened.
When you can't even trust your own parents to keep you safe and protected, your views on the world become negative. Without feeling able to trust anyone, adults attempt to cope with the reality of their upbringing with emotionally inconsiderate parents.
5. They find it difficult to set boundaries
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People who struggle to set boundaries may have a low sense of self-worth, fearing the consequences that might arise if they do try to put their foot down. They were raised in homes where they were unable to voice their concerns without worrying about a reaction from their parents.
So, now that they're adults, it's hard for them not to people-please. They were never taught that setting boundaries is a good thing, or had parents that constantly ignored theirs.
6. They gravitate towards unstable relationships
With a childhood that normalized a lack of boundaries and hiding emotions, when these kids become adults, they may feel attracted to toxic or unstable relationships. Those relationships have a similar dynamic to the one they grew up around.
To people who never knew what a healthy dynamic looked like, they'll naturally choose a relationship that feels familiar to them. It's predictable and, in their minds, a safe place to be.
Allison Peterson contributes to YourTango through her writing on love, lifestyle, and relationships.
