Kids Whose Parents Rarely Comforted Them Usually Carry 7 Habits Into Adulthood
Salim Da | PexelsUnfortunately, some parents don't give their kids reassurance when they need it. For their development, kids need a supportive and safe environment, but when parents rarely comfort them, they take unhealthy habits into adulthood.
7 habits kids carry into adulthood when their parents rarely comforted them growing up:
1. They wish others noticed how they feel
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Being given little to no comfort as a child can result in a person lacking emotional support as an adult. They don't want to feel like a burden to others but desire comfort deep down.
So, they often want someone to notice they're down and to cheer them up. For once in their life, they want another person to offer comfort. But the problem is that as a child, their parents' emotional neglect taught them that feeling comforted was a bad thing.
2. They deal with their struggles alone
When people have emotionally neglectful parents but have other people who love them, it can still be difficult asking others for help. If they're upset about something, they might internalize their problems rather than reaching out for support.
According to licensed professional counselor Jessica Frick, "Often, people who've been through trauma experience difficulty opening up to others and trusting them... This leads to self-destructive behavior: the survivor avoids connecting with others, then people start to think the survivor doesn't want to connect, which makes the survivor's worries that much stronger."
3. They tend to emotionally support others instead of themselves
While they may withdraw from others to deal with their problems alone, when it comes to others' issues, they jump to offer their assistance. They put others' wants and needs above their own.
Even though they were emotionally neglected and rarely comforted, they still offer it to others because they know what it's like to not be comforted at all. This kind of selflessness involves empathy. Without kindness, that desire to help others would be nonexistent.
4. They feel uneasy when people comfort them
Yes, these people can be a great emotional support to those who need it, and yes, they want others to notice when they're upset. But when they receive the comfort they've always desired, it doesn't feel as good as they thought. In fact, it feels uncomfortable.
Though discomfort is something that can help us grow, safety is something these people never truly felt as kids. So, they tend to pull away when someone sits with them to listen or pats their back when they're trying to sooth them. They don't know what to do in that situation.
As a child, these folks learned to self-soothe from a young age. But even now, as adults, they're still so used to comforting themselves that it feels odd to have someone do the same.
5. They downplay their feelings
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As a child who received no comfort from their parents, some people learn that feelings aren't a good thing. Without parents teaching them emotional regulation, they viewed their emotions as something to dismiss.
If someone's parents dismissed them with "stop crying" when they were sad, they do the same thing as an adult. If they're hurt or angry, they push their feelings aside and tell themselves not to get worked up over them.
Aside from dismissing their own feelings, they downplay them. When someone in their life asks why they're upset, they're quick to say something like "oh, it's nothing." They don't want to feel like a burden in any way, even if it means minimizing how they really feel.
6. They're scarily quiet
Usually, when someone is quiet or doesn't want to interact with others, they're called shy. But not all adults who were raised without compassion and comfort from their parents turn into shy people.
A quiet person is one who pays attention to when and how they respond. But a shy person is someone that suffers from social anxiety and is afraid of speaking up.
When someone is never offered comfort in childhood, they rarely reveal their emotions, so they stay quiet instead. But if they're around people they trust, they're a bit more talkative.
7. They're constantly overthinking
Checking other's moods and emotions is a routine for someone who grew up with parents who offered zero comfort. They never learned what healthy emotions were. As adults, they're constantly overthinking, paying close attention to others' energy and body language.
Even if someone is friendly, they might interpret it as a threat or feel uncomfortable. They're always wondering if someone is good or bad, or whether they should even feel a certain way about it.
Allison Peterson is a writer with a degree in English from the University of Nevada, Reno. She writes on relationships, lifestyle, and mental health topics.
